OK--I'm a goof ball.
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I've apparently locked myself inside an area in my apartment that has only access to a computer but no phone. I need help getting in touch with those who have access to a spare key to my apartment (so they can come free me). It just involves making a phone call on my behalf to my parent's home. If you're a good kind man/woman still up at this hour and wouldn't mind helping. Please email me. (This is not a joke.)