So there I am, sitting on the john (because it's a convenient place with good light), with a very disgruntled cat on my lap. Because this is the internet, and privacy and discretion are key, he (the cat) would like to remain nameless. But his title is "Cat of A Thousand Issues".
He has occular herpes, so his eyes drip constantly. His cheeks are too small for his face, so food gets stuck, and his over-active immune system responds with a constant flow of sticky, smelly drool. Charming, no? The drool gets on his paws when he tries to clean it off, and then his paws collect dirt and dust and get all crusty. Then he cuts his mouth up as he continues to try to relieve the discomfort of his drooly mouth and swollen, ulcerous tongue.
Many avenues have been trodden to try to relieve his condition(s), and the latest has been what they call a "full mouth extraction", that is, they pulled out about 12 teeth, leaving him with three fangs and those useless little nubbins in front. Today the ol' boy removed the nicoderm-like paid medication patch off of his own rump, which means his sutured little gums are probably kinda tender.
So here I am, sitting on the commode with the cat in my lap, trying to squirt 1mL of antibiotics into his mouth with a syringe, and he's snarking and gagging and shaking his head and drooling and wriggling and I'm thinking oh my GOD it's Friday night and somehow I haven't had a date in a long-ass time.
My Mondays and Tuesday nights are usually the most free, and I'm a low-pressure kind of guy. I know nothing about NASCAR, I have five things in my fridge (two of which are bottles of white wine which I'll probably never drink), and nature has given me so much testosterone that a lot of hair has departed my scalp. But at least it's not in a square shape, like the shaved spot on my poor cat's ass.
Other useless trivia: 33, 6-2, 180, red beard, blue eyes, totally secure and unattached. Looking for, hmmmm, SWF 25-35? height/weight proportional, short hair, glasses, maybe a piercing or tattoo would be intriguing. Oh yeah, big plus if you're fantastically rich and would love for me to be your Big Irish Cabana Boy (but not required).
Other ways to contact poster:
through not-subtle winking and nudging