1. Your mom will pester you to continue dating this nice Jewish girl...so she can try to adopt me into your family
2. Your friends will pester you to stop dating this hot Jewish girl...so they can try to date me
3. This nice/hot Jewish girl is not religious.
4. I'm short. That means we probably won't be having sex standing up. However, it does mean that we will have other (fun) options available to us (inquire within.)
5. I will point out things in movies you didn't notice. Continuity errors, recurrent themes, unnecessary/unfinished plot elements and loopholes, meaningful symbolism. I will explain these things to you and you will stare at me vacantly. This will ruin many films for you.
6. I own a home. This means that I've probably seen you at Home Depot. And if you work there, then I have argued with you. (I know what I want pal, now where the fuck is it?!)
7. I am not a trust-fund baby. I work long hours and we will not see each other very much. You might enjoy this if you have hobbies and/or a life. If you smoke pot and sit on the couch all day, you will wait and pine for me forever...and I will be too busy to care.
8. I live in Berkeley. You will have to wade through throngs of hippies and bums to spend time with me.
9. I'm 26. I've survived my teenage years AND those early 20s - where we manifest and then eventually deal with all that stuff we packed away for later. I know who I am. This can be intimidating and drama-free. If pathetic mind-games and convenient miscommunications are your bag of excitement, I'm sorry, you won't like me.
10. I like to talk. You will be forced to participate in conversations where (gasp)...you will have to use your brain.
11. I sometimes lose games. I also sometimes lose arguments. I will feel like a loser and I will apologize and you will think I'm weak. Then you might feel compelled to gloat about your victories. Can you handle that?
12. I can run farther than you. I am training to run a marathon to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. If we chat, I will ask you for money. If we date for a while, I will expect a donation. If you are chasing me, you will lose.
13. Although I'm tiny, I eat large amounts of food. You will be horrified by my incessant consumption. This could eventually break you and your wallet. If you are lactose intolerant, this is NOT the CL posting for you.
14. I will rip all your CDs and make all your music mine. The band you loved, that only you knew about, is no longer. You will share all your music with me and I will love it. If you are as fanatical about music as I am, this will be a wonderful exchange. If you have delusions of keeping all those live, rare, B-sides to yourself, prepare to feel cheated and taken advantage of.
15. I have no children. If you have been having late-night fantasies of sweeping that MILF off her feet and being a big, manly provider, I know other CL postings you might be interested in.
16. I have very few friends of my own. The people that I used to play, laugh, party, and otherwise have a good time with, have all moved onto the chapter of their lives that includes diapers and in-laws. Maybe I made bad decisions in picking these people as friends. Maybe I'm unlucky. You decide. Either way, your friends will think I'm really cool (If they're not already involved in above-mentioned chapter) and will probably want to be friends with me. If you and I have a relationship and it doesn't work out, I will most likely stay friends with you and your friends (barring any unforeseen diapers and in-laws.) However, I will not date your friends because that is tacky and rude.
17. I have expensive taste. This does not mean you have to buy me expensive things. However, I may buy expensive things every now and then. Pick up after yourself and don't break my shit.
18. *I'm clean. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be. But if you are a slob, I will ask you to contain your filth to your person and place.
19. I'm way more fun (and busier) than any chick you've ever known. You will be exhausted from keeping up with me.
20. I sometimes have a hard time ending things. This last answer is padded. For some reason, we don't like Top 19 lists.
*Not a neat freak. Just tidy and somewhat minimalist.
BONUS!!!
My wish list:
Attractive & fit (it's a wish list, so, duh)
Good teeth (this is actually a requirement, posing as a wish)
Doesn't smoke
Has a job
Has a home/apartment/bedroom (that your mommy isn't in charge of)
A sense of humor, complete with sarcasm and decent vocabulary
Please be happy! (extra special interest granted to well-adjusted types)