To the Guy who stole my CAR....by now, you obviously figured out that the piece of crap you stole in front of one of my homes. When you took this piece of hellish crap called a car. WE celebrated. but naturally we assumed you might be a 2 bit gang banger, and be stupid enough to try to use this car in a drive by. so being the responsible concerned person, we reported it stolen to the local police department. We knew that unless you did something stupid with the car we would be rid of this thing for Good.
We Celebrated on Saturday and were going to by a new car for my wife with the insurance claim. But apparently you were too stupid to take this piece of crap out of the city and were spotted by one of my people. he followed you and called me. This ruined my day, you know that right? So naturally I placed a Stop notice on this car. and within 2 minutes 200 of my friends were hunting you down. you were spotted and confirmed by my friends. I placed a no harrassment order on your new found car, because I wanted to talk you personally and escort you to the local DMV to Force you to place the car in to your name. since you were stupid enough to steal it.
let me explain this to you. This car is so bad, the junk yards rejected it from us. I know the seat belts were locked in place, and were unsuable, that is why their light was always on and why you heard the constant Bing, Bing, Bing... also you may have noticed that it only had a quarter of a tank. that is because if you filled it up more than this, the gas would only spill on to the ground from the bullet hole my wife place in it when she tried to kill me for giving her this thing in the first place.
also you may have noticed that the car over heated after about 1/4 of a mile or while idling at the stop light. that is because when you stole the car, you forgot to fill the radiator up with water, because it has a bad leak. Real Bad!!!(remember the bullet hole in the gas tank? welp there is another one in the radiator, cause she was really trying to shoot me.
the Car Also Dies after 10 minutes of driving because of the fuel sensor being bad. and when you restarted it by pumping the gas, and you heard the loud BOOOM, and the huge plume of white and blue smoke came out of the back endand in to the cab of the car, no the car was not rigged to explode, it always did that after the car died.
oh, and at first when you stole this car, i thought you were one of the smart thieves. but looking at the car, after you dumped it, you were apparently as stupid as they come.
you tore out the sides of the back seat to gain access to the trunk. but if you knew about Saturns, there was a lever to open the trunk by the left front seat. also on top of the back seat you just needed to pull up on the lever there, and the seat folds down. would an idiot like you know this, apparently not, because you tore out the back seat with a crow bar to get the 600 watt BLOWN amp behind the seat.
i had a 59.99 digital camera in the Glove box, and was willing to Give you that and not report it as stolen provided you had chopped the car, or burned it. but because I'm now stuck with this crap, and we know your discription, we want our camera back. you can keep the blown amp though. it was of no use to me anyhow.
we will Give you 3 days to return it. oh, it is parked where you originally stole it.
thank you.
P.S. if you want to keep the camera, please retake the car,we left the keys in the ignition, and this time get out of town with it, remove the plates if you dump it, and burn it real good. I dont want to have to come and pick it up again.