Alright, bro. So you've got Microsoft Photo Editor. - w4m
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Listen, fucktard, I'm oh so proud of you for your photographic manipulation skills, but I didn't waste 2 days of my boss's cash e-mailing you to discover that your picture is 10 years old, it's been doctored, and the stomach turning truth is that you look like my Great Aunt Helen with a hipster jacket on.
Helen never married. She carried a thermos of beans around with her, and wrapped bags of marshmallows and tampons to put under the Christmas tree.
Recessive gene.
The point is, Sporto, your brilliant plan to lure a beautiful and awesome woman into your lair via the power of your computer and an old and fucked-with photo has a SERIOUS and TRAGIC flaw.
When we see what you really look like, no matter HOW brilliant your e-mail repetoire was...
..wait for it..
...we will leave.
Yup. We'll take our cellphones to the bathroom, call a friend, have them call us 15 minutes later with an urgent errand, and we'll kick your sorry, deceptive ass to the curb where it belongs.
Does that sound harsh? Am I hurting little ugly dude feelings throughout craigslist? Aww. Come here. Let me make it better. Run over to the 'puter with the industrial tub of lotion next to it, post on w4m as some wet whore with a small dick fetish, and rub one out for me. Better? I'm so glad.
Listen well, lil' ones.
If you're witty and sarcastic and/or very funny, respond.
But see the "pretty cute" clause below.
If you're going to cut and paste your stats for the 300th time, DO NOT respond. If you think you're pretty cute and you have a recent photo, show me how witty sarcastic and funny you are.
DO NOT respond if your hotmail account is named "Icuminu" or "dickinurthroat".
DO NOT send shots of your penis. If I want to see it I'll see it in person if the criteria is met.
DO NOT be over 35. Sorry, Pops. I respect the elderly, but not enough to let them touch my no-no places.
Also, try not to be pushy. Don't immediately launch into how you're going to shove turnips into my box. The only way anything's ending up in the box is if you make me laugh, we meet for drinks, and I get the tinglies.