Originally Posted: 2001-12-26 3:36pm
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favorite this post High Tech Martyr hide this posting unhide


High Tech Martyr


I am seeking a position that will utilize many years experience taking the blame for things that don't go as planned.


Company Name withheld (2000-Present)
  • helped deliver a project 2 months late and $149,000 over budget
  • created custom reports to accurately display the level of failure
  • generated colorful charts and graphs to compare this failed project with more successful projects of the past
  • used multiple sofware packages to incorrectly track progress
Company Name withheld (1998-2000)
  • successfully accepted blame for a large scale enterprise software soltuion that was never completed
  • blindly managed 100+ resources towards no deliverable
  • coversaw $1.2 million allocated towards no particular goal
  • documented the entire process of false information with multiple software packages
Company Name withheld (1995-1998)
  • successfully mismanaged multiple projects for clients including Hewlett Packard, Intel, Compaq, Sony, and Toshiba
  • poorly documented project status with Microsoft Project, Microsoft Excel, and Task Tracker
  • communicated false and/or useless information to top-level management with PowerPoint
  • accpeted full responsibilty to save Top level management the embarrassment of failure
Other Duties:
  • failed holiday party (2002)
  • forgot to clean office kitchen (2001)
  • alphabetized files incorreclty (2001)
  • forgot to FedEx important documents (2000)
  • insulted CEO's wife(1984)

Additional Skills:

I am also available to screw up and accept blame for private parties, family events, office parties and bar mitzvahs


For more information, please contact me.
No reasonable offer will be refused.

post id: 2471353