It’s been about a year since I ventured into the world of Craigslist ‘casual encounters’. I’ve met mostly nice people, have been treated well and been exposed to new experiences – which is partly what I was looking for.
Some things I’ve learned:
- I will probably never overcome my gag reflex, but it’s fun trying
- I definitely don’t like the back door entrance
- Cough drops have a place in the bedroom
- Guys really like boobs
- Most guys are all talk and lack creativity, but are willing participants if you come up with something (note to guys: this is a little tiring for the woman – make an effort)
- Reading and writing erotica is really hot
- I like sex…really, really like it
- I will probably never need lube, even when I’m 80
- I’m much less inhibited than I thought
- I’m too tired and inept at playing games
I was very up front in my postings, however, that I was looking for someone for an ongoing casual sexual relationship that also included companionship. I’ve come to realize that while the sexual relationship is forthcoming, the companionship is a bit more difficult. I’ve discovered that these casual encounter set-ups tend to be one-sided…with everything being on the guy’s terms – maybe payback from CL being so much more to the woman’s favor (statistically speaking). Some communication is only via e-mail; other communication is by phone (but only if initiated by the guy). After getting together a half-dozen times, why shouldn’t I expect to have your phone number and feel comfortable calling you every once in a while. Getting together is always fun, but then there’s no communication until I get the next call or e-mail wanting to get together for sex. Just because it is casual with no strings attached doesn’t mean that there isn’t at least some obligation to the other person – even if it’s just calling to say hi without the expectation of getting together that night, or grabbing a drink, or just hanging out watching a movie. Otherwise, isn't it just prostitution without the exchange of money??
I guess I’m a little disappointed that it seems impossible to casually date someone. I’ve been told by more than one of you that I’m a little unusual in that I can maintain a ‘casual’ view towards a relationship based on sex and companionship. My heart won’t be broken if you decide to start dating someone else, I’m not possessive, and I am still open to dating and finding ‘Mr. Right’ while fully engaging with you. I think the simple reality is that I haven’t spent the time I need to on developing a circle of friends since moving here, and my job keeps me very busy. I’m not a huge partier, and was hoping that CL would allow me to hook up with someone who was in the same boat – lacking the time and/or energy to tackle the dating scene full-on, but still enjoys sex and going out every once in a while until meeting the person with whom to have a real relationship. Believe me, I want to be in a committed relationship, leading to marriage, leading to a family – at some point. But until that time, I just love spending time with a man…flirting, romantic evenings, dreaming up sensual fantasies and then living them, being pampered and revered to some degree. A true friend and occasional lover.
The reason I’m posting this is because I have greatly enjoyed spending time with you but am questioning whether my sense that we have connected in some way is not really accurate. I am led to question whether I’m really looking for a casual relationship after all.
I know I am a bit naïve, but I feel that you have been honest with me for the most part. I think you are each great in some way – perhaps a great conversationalist, or maybe just simply great in bed! But I’m looking for something more. If you are, then I’m happy to continue getting together. If you are truly just in this for a quick fuck every once in a while, then it’s time to just go our separate ways (and this is very hard for me with some of you because I really enjoy the sex!!).
So guys…let the flaming begin. Women of CL…maybe you can learn a little something from this insight.
OK, I feel much better having gotten this out. Now I just have to have the balls to direct this to the individuals in question for a response…