Have you been crippled by your fear of rejection ? Spent hours in front of the mirror with a ruler in one hand and Gray's Anatomy in the other ? Grown a pot belly because you are too inhibited to brave the locker room ?
Your life is about to change.
Gentlemen, I know exactly what I want in life: a sweet, good natured,nice looking man, intelligent, well-educated, with a great sense of humor, good hands and, best of all, a...tiny penis. Actually, good hands and the tiny penis is an acceptable start (see below).
Not a typo my friends. I've thought about this carefully. I'm a beautiful -- some even say hot looking girl with long flowing blonde hair, an engaging grin a great body and healthy interest in sex...but listen to me. I want an appropriately-sized penis attached to my man. No more of the 10 inch wonders. And believe me, they might be statistical outliers but they are sure as heck all coming my way (NO pun intended). And I can't take it anymore (STILL no pun intended).
Here's the deal. I don't like 'em. I don't think they are sexy. They don't turn me on. I don't want one inserted into any of my orifices. In fact, I don't really want to be in the same room as one, clothed or unclothed. They are a menace and should be regulated by the State of California. And yes, Ouchie Voodoo Penis Hurts.
I want to make sure that you don't think I'm anti-penis in general. That would be a grave misstatement. I've had a lot of bad experiences with men of the donkie-kong variety -- both on the omigod, i've never felt pain like that before scale, as well as the weird affect that having an enormous penis has on a man's character development -- and what adds insult to injury (if I may put it that way) is the guilt trip engendered by that terrible moment when Mr-DK unveils the collosal appendage he is no doubt so proud of, smiling proudly like a grade schooler unwrapping a present, to be faced with my (at best) blank stare.
What I DO like is a nice, firm, enthusiastic, perky 3-5 incher. So, perhaps not technically "tiny". But a penis with some savoir faire, some subtlety. A penis that is unobtrusive but quietly competent. Knows its business, knows its place, gets the job done...happily for all involved. Ever heard (or said ?) the phrase "More than a mouthful is a waste." Yeah, exactly.
So, my friends and countrymen, bring me your tiny penises and I will cherish them.
No replies without photo (penis photo not required).
No STDs
No marrieds
No weirdos
Nothing longer than a coke can or wider than a Pez dispenser