* wont let you touch me in public or otherwise unless notified
* have had been married more times than you
* have had more women than you
* am completely sexually and otherwise perverse
* spend more time with my band than with you
* am constantly paranoid about mass media brain washing and scare tatics
* still live with my mother
* can't be satisfied physically or otherwise
* am completely neurotic
* wont sit at the bar with you
* have panic attacks every time I smell curry
* take any drug I can
* stay as inebriated as possible
Then, may be, we have something and we can get on to the good stuff, such as I
* am not ugly, fat, or smelly
* will try very hard not to embarrass you
* am relatively intelligent and can hold a conversation with you
* have been told I'm spectacular in bed and I know I give great blow jobs
* am totally tolerant of other peoples issues and addictions
* don't talk too much
* will dote on you when you're sick
* cook pretty decently (at least I try) and I make great chicken soup
* have a strong stomach
* have a membership to every museum in almost every museum in California
* am not jealous or suspicious
* love a challenge
We could have some fun. Take advantage of tourists, rip off the government, create our own cult, you know... the usual. I'm sure we could find something to do with all of this.