SWM WANTS TO BE LEFT ALONE
Associated Press
San Francisco, CA --
In a stunning reversal of a decades-old trend, SWM officially announced today that he really just wants to be left alone. Following his fruitless pursuit of innumerable "witty," "attractive," "clever," and "down-to-earth" potential mates, SWM has called it quits.
When asked to explain this sudden shift in policy, SWM responded, "Finally I realized, What's the point of being around somebody who is so witty and clever all the time? Not to mention one of these "urbane" types. It's exhausting. Isn't there anybody out there that can conduct a normal conversation?"
Citing the fact that many personal ad posting boards on the internet are free of cost, SWM contended that it is often more rewarding to just sit at home and email people without even pretending that there will be a real-life meeting down the road. "That way you can get your fix, pretend like you're a stud, all while listening to your OWN music at the volume level YOU prefer. It's perfect. No pressure, and you never have to take any heat for wearing the same shirt two days in a row."
Of course, there are drawbacks. But although he "enjoys getting blowjobs as much as the next guy," (possibly making a veiled reference to SBM or SAM), SWM is nevertheless looking forward to a long stretch of being left to his own devices. "Besides," he added, "if I have to go on one more long walk on the stinkin' beach, I'm going to strangle somebody."
SWF could not be contacted for comment, but then again, that's the whole point of this posting.