SBF Seeking New Sleeping Partner

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Hello! I'm a Sturdy Black Futon [SBF] in search of a new mate. I've been living in a San Francisco apartment for the better part of a year, and before that, I took residence in a loft across town. I have many attributes which make me a highly-qualified candidate for your needs:

Sleep with me!

Four legs, the latest in balancing technology
Wood frame, never touched by termites
Slept on ~1,241 times
Jumped on twice by monkeys, who fell off and cracked their heads
Two matching throw pillows included
Large enough to accommodate three or four anorexics

I hate Los Angeles, but my current owners are ready to move there soon. This is why I've decided to take out a personal ad today. Please, rescue me and keep me somewhere local? I don't make much noise and promise to stay put. Since I do not come with wheels, I will need you to come pick me up ASAP.

My self-esteem is at an all-time low, so I'm willing to sell myself for $100. I feel so used, but that shouldn't stop you from bringing me into your loving home. I'll even pay for my own psychiatric care if that'll help seal the deal!

post id: 14866607