Ok we all have to live here. You people drive me insane.
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Crazy Tweeker Manager- You are in your 50s. Mini skirts are not OK. I know you have kept a trim body through years of meth use but no one wants to see it. Speaking of your meth use, we can tell. When it takes you 6 hours to install a pre fabricated screen door, we can tell. When you have a 3 minutes conversation and say nothing at all, we can tell. If you ring my doorbell one more time at 2 am to tell me that someone broke into the garage, I will kick you. In the neck. I dont have a car, I dont care. Perhaps if you didnt give out keys to the "thugs" who hang around trying to get free drugs from you there wouldnt be a problem.
Creepy Staring Lady- Stop watching me, I know you think I cant see you because you hide behind the stairs, but I can. Your legs are still there. I promise you I am not going to do a dance, burst into flames or morph into an ice cream cone. You can stop looking. Also, get rid of that fucking phone. The CHIRP followed by incoherent spanish yelling is driving me insane, they are obviously on your network, so call them. Its free I promise.
Navy lady- You are quite pleasant, you always smile. Your daughter is a joy. Polite and friendly. We can all hear you screaming at her every nite. She is 13 she will "get her fucking priorities straight" eventually. Cut her some slack
Mexican family- I am not sure how you do it. We have 2 adults and a baby in our townhouse and its too small. You have 4 adults, a preteen, 2 kids and a baby. I realize the rent is a little steep but for fucks sake where do you all sleep? Oh and to the obviously adult son. You arent a thug, you arent hardcore. Stop smoking weed outside and throwing the roaches in my ashtray. Also get your ghetto gangsta wanna be friend away from my fucking door. I dont care how long its been since he has "tapped some ho" I dont care how "bad the joint was" I dont care what he stole and from whom. Get him the fuck away from me.
Weird lady and her creepy kid- Youre a bitch, youre stupid. You let the tweeker manager (see above) watch your kid while you go bar hopping. Good job! Your kid is fucked up enough without that kind of shit. Oh and we all know you have a cat, your little "say goodbye to fluffy we cant have him" and then your kid fake crying act didnt fool anyone. Plus he sits in your window dipshit. Dont glare at me when you walk by in your hooker clothes with yet another guy behind you. I didnt make you a slut.
Super nice black guy next door- You and your girlfriend are sweet and awesome neighbors, you dont complain when the baby makes noise, and you just say hi when its needed. But when youre home alone we can hear you singing to your 80s whitney houston music. Dont get me wrong its good. Its even funny, but dont come out all tough. We know your secret!
Bitchy lady- When you order a package and you know it will be sent UPS which requires a signature, send it to your work. The poor UPS guy shows up all the time and you arent home. I made the mistake of signing for a package once for you. I left you a nice note letting you know that when you get home ring the bell and I will give it to you. It would have been nice for you to say "think you" instead of "wheres my package" next time I will....nevermind there will be no next time. Fuck you.
Emo Mexicans- We can smell your weed and for some reason listening to stoned drunk guys sing Morrisey in a mexican accent isnt that appealing. Please please please shut your door.
Im moving soon so I wont have to deal with you. Maybe I will print this out and leave it for the next person who pays a ridiculous amount for this townhouse. Next person....the dishwasher doesnt work, neither does the heater. Dont try and get it fixed. You'll just get the tweekers boyfriend in your house while you arent home "fixing" things.