This is Ken (notice the leather patch emproidered onto his green coat). I've had him for yeeeears. He's done me well (well....), but has not been treated as such. There's red candle wax splattered on his top and one of his corners is coming undone. Still completely functional, however. What a trooper.
I don't want him anymore. We got into a fight about the origin of watermelons last week and things haven't cooled down since. He doesn't believe they originated in Southern Africa - instead, he refers to them as "space balloons." But Kenneth, how would they float? You know they're too heavy. Ignoring my question he knew he didn't have an answer to, he scooped up the nearest watermelon (I dont have any watermelons at my house. He ran all the way to the grocery store!) and began serenading it with the "She's so heavy" bit from The Beatles' "I Want You (She's so Heavy)". I said, "Go home Kenneth, you're drunk." Then he looked directly at me... and continued singing. I said "Kenneth! That is no way to talk to a lady! You're adopted." And I walked away. His drunk ass ended up in my yard at 3 am the next morning, he had gone out drinking with his other rejected violin cases of "friends". Was it worth it, Kenny? "Please help me find my birth mom", he said. But his words were slurred so it sounded more like Plfjdhahejfjdhanwbirthmom.
So here we are. Did you ever give birth to a lower quality forest green violin case apparently named Ken some 15 years ago or know someone who has? This is where you come in.