Originally Posted: 2009-10-29 10:18am
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favorite this post I Need a Harpoon hide this posting unhide

In the spirit of forsaking the mutually sexist paradigm of sexy Halloween costumes, I have decided to be an Eskimo. I am fully aware that I have traded a sexually offensive concept for a potentially racially charged one, but I'm half native, so I figure it's like black people saying the N-word. Right? Right.

Plus, I'm a girl. I'm tired of seeing 8 year old reflections of my former self wandering around rainy old Stumptown on a holiday asking for candy while wearing a French maid costume. It makes this Eskimo very sad and want to shelter her with my parka.

My own personal conflicts (which are many) aside, I require a harpoon for the ensemble. I have tried to fashion one, but the craftiness of my ancestors got lost somewhere, probably in a smallpox blanket. Said blanket will make me very dead and I have some parties I'd like to attend this weekend before that happens.

So, I am willing to drive my meager transportation to your corner of Portland or vicinity and pick up your cumbersome, bulky, takes-up-all-the-patio-space harpoon for absolutely FREE. No money will change hands because I am unwilling to pay for a one-time-use item. It might as well be disposable, but I don't think they make disposable harpoons. I'm not planning to take up whaling after this weekend, so you can rest assured, Keiko will not die at your hands. Unless you plan to kill that beast in your free time, I won't judge you. I'm not here to do that, I'm here to acquire a harpoon.

I am accident prone, so the duller the better. Think your harpoon is in too poor of shape to give to me? You're wrong, fool. Older and rustier, the better.

Bring on the second hand harpoons, Craig.

The Mighty Quinn

  • Location: SE Portland
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