So, you want to teach science? I was hoping that a good-looking, nature-loving, bilingual Arlington resident would come over and evacuate his bowels on my carpet as I play the Brown Note over and over again on my hurdy-gurdy. Afterwards, we can have shish kabob.
Please bring some soapy water, a length of rubber hose, a leather captain's hat, and a copy of Whitesnake's "Slide It In."
No freaks.