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I love gerbils. I had a few while I was a kid and they were the best pets in the world. I'd put them in plastic balls and let them run around the house, I'd put them on the bed and let them run through my t-shirt like a tunnel, and I'd get rid of all my cardboard tubes by letting them chew them to pieces and build little nests with them. I remember staying awake late one night watching two of them try to run opposite directions in their running wheel. They'd crawl up the sides until one got higher then flip the other one upside down. It was great entertainment!
But now that I'm 28, society won't allow me to own gerbils. Just because Richard Gere gave them a bad name in the 80s and the fact that they're rodents, people are so turned off by people who own gerbils. If I bought gerbils, I'd become a guy who lives alone and has a thing for gerbils. People would think that's creepy, I know, but I have no intention of putting them in my butt. I'm not even curious about it! I just need to get rid of some old cardboard tubes and I'd love to watch them run around aimlessly in that little plastic ball. What's wrong with that? Listen society: I'm lonely and owning gerbils may be the panacea to pass the time. Society, I think I'm going to buy some gerbils, go ahead and hate me. I don't care anymore.