OK, here goes. I apologize for the length in advance.
Hey ladies. I'd like to see once and for all if there is any real way to be separated from the other 900 guys checking out each individual female's post. I've replied to a few, but most of the responses I've gotten (on the rare occasion that I even received one) were clearly weak attempts at getting some male crotch shots. Sorry, Frank, no dice. So, in response to recent female posts expressing how creepy most of the guys come off here, I've decided to take the offensive by making a post of my own, telling you about myself and putting the ball in your court:
- I am 22 years old. Nope, not a "mature 21", or "almost legal", or my personal favorite, "a little too old to be in the club, but still in denial". Ironically enough, a VP called me a "mature 22" today at work, so maybe I should end that line of reasoning right there.
(Speaking of which, I am gainfully employed. I've been employed by the same tech company since 2000 and make a healthy salary. When I say "gainfully employed", I mean 40hrs a week with benefits and a W2. While at times (read: before the kick-in-the-door robbery or ATF raid) it may seem more glamorous, selling weed is generally not included in this category. Unless you're a kingpin. Then you have an argument.)
- I am black. African-American sounds like I'm taking a standardized test, or applying for a loan or something. This matters to some people, so let's get that out of the way up front. As for my personal tastes, I don't discriminate: my track record looks like a United Colors of Benetton ad. Minus the guy models, of course.
- I'm not bad looking at all. On the slim side (5'11" 160lbs), but the ladies seem to dig me plenty. I can say this confidently because I have been told this enough times in face-to-face encounters by women of all ages and walks of life. I workout three times a week and am healthy and disease free. I'm sure it also helps that I can hold a conversation. That's right, I'm here out of curiosity, not necessity; I'm intrigued by the possibility of actually seeing CE work. I do have a picture that won't frighten small kids or make dogs howl, and would appreciate if yours would be of the same caliber. And if any of you size-queens out there are wondering if the myths about all black men being well-hung are true, I'm not telling.*
- I am sane. Lately I get the feeling that many on CE are not, but we'll leave that alone for now. I have never had a restraining order placed against me, nor had reason to worry about having one. Stalking girls is way too much time and energy, plus I assume you'd have to hide your makeshift shrine dedicated to the object of your obsession every time the guys, or Mom, came over. I have been stalked before, and it's really only funny for the first six months.
- Generally speaking, I have my shit together. I own my own condo. I don't have any children--at this stage of my life, I'm barely responsible enough to take care of myself, nevermind another human being. I drink socially, not because there's a warm, non-judgemental blanket waiting for me at the bottom of the bottle. Don't mistake that for me being a liquor lightweight though, I can pub-crawl with the best of 'em. I've never been the target of a federal investigation. I have never been convicted of a felony; hell, I've never been arrested. OK, there was that time I was caught shoplifting in the Cambridgeside Lechmere when I was 12, but that never went to trial (besides, that's ancient history. It was Lechmere, for God's sake--how long have they been out of business?). Anyways, I assure you that any of the stuff I haven't yet been caught for (stealing cable, owning a "property of USPS" mail tote for holding LPs, not using products "only as directed", and a few other unmentionable no-nos from my knucklehead days) would get me a class B misdemeanor at best. And if all else fails, my lawyer is the shit.
- As mentioned before, I can hold an intellegent convo. I make a point of knowing a good deal about a lot of worldly things. A common misconception is that because I'm a product of inner-city Boston, that means I'm stuck there. Nope. For instance, did you know that index funds are a much better investment than the ever-popular mutual fund due to their lack of active management and accompanying requisite fees? You didn't? Well, you learn something new everyday. S&P 500 index funds are considered the best bet.
Of course, if your desire is to shut up and hook up, disregard the above--I can be the strong, silent type as well.
- I don't have a picture of my cock, nor do I plan on taking one, nor do I expect you to have or take naked pics of yourself. Read this sentence a second time before proceeding any further. That means you too, Frank. Even if you don't have a pic, that's cool, but understand that in the event that we do end up meeting, the charade will IMMEDIATELY be up if you were lying about your appearance. That isn't nearly as cool. Be yourself; that's one of the sexiest non-physical qualities a woman can have. If the attraction isn't mutual, there are other fish in the sea for both of us. Nobody's feelings will be hurt, and we can all play in the Craigslist yard together later.
- If we do end up meeting after you see my pic, there should be a distinct possibility of you wanting to hook up at some point. This is a site for casual encounters, let's not forget. Also understand that if we do hook up and enjoy the time spent, I have nothing at all against becoming "good fuckin' friends", but I'm not looking for a girlfriend. That's that pesky little "NS" of "NSA" in action.
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So there I am, exposed for the world to see. If you made it this far and found yourself smiling at least once, reply and let me know so, with a recent pic attached. Unless your name is Frank. In that case, get lost.