I want to fill a man's ass with kitchen implements and then I want to take pictures of it for an artistic project.
We can start out simple, and I'll put a fork up your ass. Don't worry, the tines will be on the outside, but you still won't want to sit down. And then we can put a piece of food on the fork, like a sausage. It'll be phallically ironic because it will be a sausage (representing your penis) on a fork that is lodged in your butt. That should be a good start and should help acclimate you to what I'm looking for in this project.
From there, we can move on to improving the situation through quantity and quality. Of course, if you are tight, we can start out slow before moving to bigger objects. This early stage when you're still resisting might be a good time to get a corkscrew up there and see if you've got the muscles to open a bottle of wine. Then we can share the bottle of wine while I build a centerpiece of bamboo and flowers for the table in your ass. You will want a lot of stamina to keep it from lilting to the side, so squeeze hard.
Once you you are more comfortable with the project, I'd like to try something a bit dangerous, so we will have to wait until you are ready. A knife set with very nice wooden handles emerging from you, blades out of course. Again, you will probably not want to sit down. If you are afraid of being penetrated without your consent, this is an excellent way to prevent them from entering you, since your ass will be full of knives. And excellent way to spice of up your life through a little bit of risk, and I fully expect the pictures to be amazing.
We can slow down a bit from the knives with a series of spatulas, whisks, egg-beaters, tongs, slotted spoons, and turners. Everything necessary for preparing a multi-stage culinary delight for dinner guests. This will mostly be for presentation and for taking pictures, as I won't actually be preparing us dinner, but if you'd like to order in, I'm certainly fine with that, assuming you're willing to get an extra order of something exciting to put up your ass. Mozzarella sticks might work, or perhaps french fries or chicken fingers. Structural integrity might also be a challenge, as well as burning grease and salt, since many take-out dishes are on the salty side. I'd also like to grow a vegetable garden out of your ass (not literally, of course; I'll be applying the carrots, leeks, scallions, and other green leafies as artfully as possible rather than trying to grow them there from seed). I think a trip to Haymarket might be in order for this, and since we'll want fresh vegetables, we should do this on a Friday or Saturday. A corresponding "fruit basket" would also be a delightful challenge to arrange in your ass.
The most difficult task may end up being the rolling pin. Nevertheless, I feel the effort will be worth it, if only to imagine the look on Martha Stewart's face when she realizes the artful juxtaposition of baking and ass that we've managed to display. We may need to wait until last for this one, but I think it'll be a very rewarding experience.f
I do all of my own photography and developing and am generally looking for fit or at least heigh-weight proportionate men. If you think you'd make a more interesting model, please be prepared to qualify to me why you think you should win this opportunity. I am not interested in sex and my husband will not be involved in this project in any way, shape or form; he won't even be in the state. If you'd like to go out for drinks and or dinner in order that we might get to know each other first, I'm perfectly happy to do so, since we will be working in close proximity for a good amount of time.
Please respond with your availability and if you've had any experience with this type of thing before (either as a model or a in a more sexual, getting-penetrated sort of way). Gay or straight is fine. Real responses only, please, and if you can, include a picture. I'm very much looking forward to this adventure.