From a woman who's been emailed several different so-called "lists"
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Since I'm sure this will be flagged and removed almost instantly, I invite people to repost it if they so choose...
I'm a woman, a real woman - and I've been an active CL regular for quite awhile now.
Not only have I posted w4m and responded to m4w, but I've also met, dated, and slept with a few men here as well.
Having corresponded with dozens of you (men and women) over the past couple of years, I've become quite fond of our little "community," which has evolved from a concept-experiment into an online social phenomenon. Through mostly word-of-mouth exposure, CL has achieved enormous popularity and the community is now more of a population. However, growth generally brings growing pains, and this community is no exception
Early on, most of the personals were legitimate and sincere. The system was efficient, the waters easy to navigate. There was a true sense of community, and an underlying assumption of good intentions. But our peace would soon be shattered by the arrival of some uninvited parties...
First came the spammers, in droves, intent on collecting our email addresses and ultimately profiting from us somehow. Then came the sexual deviants, predators, wackos, and perverts - all seeking to harrass, mislead, offend, dupe, and exploit: they lie and deceive so they can acquire our photo for potentially devious purposes - maybe for impersonating identities, solicit us with graphic and vulgar emailings, and ignite controversy with inflamatory posts. Finally, and I suppose inevitably, prostitution (in all its forms) broke out. Both the Johns and every wannabe "Sugar Daddy" arrived, cash at the ready, looking for their quick fix. And from professional working girls to cash-strapped amateurs to material girls in need of "pampering," many women were only too ready to indulge this seedier batch of craigsmen.
Yes, certainly times have changed. Now, when a woman places an ad she gets inundated with 100's of emails. Most of them are large photo files, and they clog up our accounts. Many are not from the right men. A large portion of them are poorly written, if there's any text at all.
That's because most men here now know that the women receive too many responses to read them all. They're aware that time spent writing a substantive email is most likely time wasted because a reply is statistically unlikely.
So instead, the men usually choose to send a form letter with an initial paragraph that's specific to the post they're replying to. It's easy, it's quick, and it makes it look like they've made an effort - kind of like a cover letter for a job. And while I find it slightly insulting to my intelligence, I do understand why they're doing it. The fact is, there are just too many of them and not enough of us openly looking for no-strings sex.
Now that should be a good thing for the women - but alas, it's actually somewhat frustrating for us as well. There's too much to read, too many photos to look at, and though we honestly would like to give guys "a chance" and take them at their word based on that first email, the fact remains that the only thing we know for sure is what your picture reveals which, let's face it, can be completely misleading.
And with all that in mind, I can understand how we've gotten to the point where women just aren't willing to waste their time out on dates with people who's self-assessment of their personality, appearance, or sexual abilities is generous bordering on delusional. Before taking the plunge to actually meet, they want assurances, maybe even references. Yeah, well we all want assurances in life, but that's not how it works.
Sex isn't a job, besides which it's somewhat subjective. Because people have different bedroom preferences, experience levels, and chemistry, references don't apply. Sorry ladies, they just don't - I'm speaking from experience.
However, there's a larger issue at play here: that of privacy. People like to talk alot on this board about discretion, yet are so ready to start putting people in categories, stigmatizing or glorifying them in randomly compiled lists made by unreliable, anonymous parties.
Which brings me to the point of this email: I've seen these lists, four different ones since last summer, and am here to tell you that they're invasive, inaccurate, and in some respects, more than slanderous. One list was a spreadsheet of several hundred supposedly confirmed men's email addresses, with categories such as alias, town, age, height, weight, race, hair color, body-type, penile length, penile girth, hairyness factor, stamina, hygiene rating, general hotness ranking, and lest we not forget the eversoimportant "expected orgasm" number.
It's worth noting that there was no mention of sensuality, intelligence, class, wit, charm, or even voice (which can be a huge turn-on for many women). Also, there was no explanation of who compiled this list or how.
Ladies, we've crossed a line here. If men are so eager and willing to satisfy us that they're going to offer themselves up, photo and all, then the least we can do is be tactful about what we do with that information. Circulating personal data in spreadsheets or photolink lists, or even forwarding men's emails and photos is not only unfair, it's immoral. Who are you to taint someone's online reputation or decide that they're not worth my or any other woman's time of day? Where do you get off deciding who the best men are? And if they're so wonderful, why wouldn't you keep them for yourself?
My point here is that personal information is personal. Details of an actual encounter are private and intimate. And unless you were raped at knifepoint or beaten-up or something criminal like that, it's patently wrong to start gossiping about it with the other cl women with the intent of defaming that man's character or sexual abilities.
On the other hand, when we start making lists of the best lovers, we run the risk of men posing as women intercepting the list and manipulating it for their own benefit. Also, we arbitrarily deny all of the other potential wonderful lovers out there the opportunity to prove themselves list-worthy. Plus, why would I want sloppy seconds or thirds from some cassanova type who's already banged a bunch of women from this site and will likely regard me as another potential notch on his belt instead of a memorable and wonderful affair he once had?
Ultimately, the lists are bogus and bullshit. Not only are they unfair and unreliable, but they're also poorly maintained, questionably obtained, and represent only a small sampling of the available men out there.
We've already pissed off enough guys that now they're making lists of us...and I fear that the lists are here to stay one way or another, and will eventually spawn a bunch of cl-inspired yahoo local ce groups which will essentially serve as closed, private, incestuous dating circles.
And then, my fellow women, we will have eliminated that potential for wonderful variety that makes posting on cl so much fun.