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$250,000 / 8br - 4800ft2 - Multi-Unit Residential Property for Sale! (Edwardsville)
Lincoln Street, Edwardsville, PA 18704
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THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY
(OR: WHY THIS BUILDING'S UGLY FACE IS THE BEST NEWS YOU'LL HEAR ALL WEEK)
Read this whole letter, prithee. I promise it ends with a number thou wilt like.
Friend,
I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee gone cold,
staring at photos of a 9-unit building that looks,
and I say this with love,
like something that's been dragged through a hedge backward.
And I keep thinking about Oscar Wilde.
Not because I'm fancy.
I'm not.
But because Wilde wrote this story
you probably read it in high school and forgot it, which is fine; that's what I'm here for
about a fellow named Dorian Gray who stays young and beautiful forever while a portrait of him,
locked away in the attic, does all the aging and rotting for him.
Every bad decision, every year, every sin — it all piles up on that painting.
Dorian himself never changes. Never ages.
This building is the portrait.
It has taken every beating so you don't have to.
It sat vacant for over a year.
It's been neglected the way only an unloved building can be neglected.
It needs everything — and I do mean everything, roof to riser to receptacle.
It is, verily, not a looker.
But here's the thing nobody tells you about the Dorian Gray trick:
somebody still has to live a beautiful life while the portrait suffers.
That's you. You get to be Dorian.
This building already did its ugly-aging in the attic, out of sight, for the last twelve-plus months.
You show up at the end and collect the beauty
nine doors' worth of it
for a price that reflects a building that looks like this, not one that looks like what it's about to become.
**Here's what thou art actually buying, plainly stated, no funny business:**
9 units total — six 2-bedroom/1-bath, three 1-bedroom/1-bath
ALL UTILITIES SEPARATELY METERED — every tenant pays their own way, forever, world without end
A full lot next door, included, gratis, part of the deal
**Needs everything.**
Full rehab. I'm not going to pretend otherwise — this isn't a "light cosmetic refresh," this is a ground-up job.
Zoning: legally built and grandfathered as 9 units.
Sat vacant too long, so it defaulted back to R2.
Yes, that means thou wilt need a variance.
But — and this is the part that made me sit up
the side lot makes that variance a far easier lift than it'd be on a landlocked property.
You've got room to make your case.
**Asking price: $250,000. Firm.**
Not a penny off, not a "make me an offer,"
not a "let's see what the bank says."
$250K, take it or leave it.**
Now — who should NOT call me:
- If you need a building that's move-in ready, hard pass; this ain't it.
- If the word "variance" makes you sweat through your shirt, this isn't your deal.
- If you think "needs everything" is a negotiating position and not a literal description, we are going to have a bad time together.
- If you can't close without financing contingencies stacked six deep, do us both a favor and skip this one.
But if you're the kind of investor who looks at a rough portrait and sees nine rent checks a month once it's dressed up right
CALL ME
This one moves fast for the right buyer, because $250K for nine doors plus a bonus lot is the kind of math that doesn't stay quiet for long.
Talk soon,
**Victor - show contact info **
P.S: — Dorian Gray's portrait eventually caught up with him. This building already paid that price, so you don't have to. Buy the beauty, skip the suffering.
P.P.S: — Six 2/1s, three 1/1s, all separately metered. Say that sentence out loud to your property manager and watch their eyes light up. That's nine units of "not my problem" when it comes to utility bills.
P.P.P.S: — About that zoning: yes, it needs a variance. No, that is not a reason to walk away — it's the reason the price is $250K instead of $500K. The lot next door is your best argument in that hearing, and I promise thee, it's a good one.
P.P.P.P.S: — $250,000. FIRM. I said it three times in this letter on purpose. Call me before somebody else does the math faster than you.
P.P.P,P,P.S: If you want a complete list of my off-market deals, text your email address to the number above to get added to my private cash-buyer list.
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