Yeah so I'm kinda f*cked and I need someone who might be able to help me out. I need to find someone with a cachy or arch live USB.
I updated last night and the update failed on mkinitcpio, so I need to chroot into my system to roll back to the previous kernel and I've tried other ways to do it without the USB and, despite having expertise in Linux, I can't figure out how to get around this. I've tried appending the emergency boot option to Limine, and modifying relevant files to try and get around it, to no avail.
The main limitation is that I'm out of town (I live in Portland) and dont have my live USB. Let this be a lesson to everyone: always keep it on you! I'm willing to pay a little bit for your time as well.