Originally Posted: 2007-08-16 8:41pm

favorite this post CL Lingo: A self-help guide for the newbies (NoVA/DC/MD)

I am not nearly the veteran as some of the people here, but I am proud to say that I have gotten a few friends hooked. Now we can all bask in the addiction that is Craig’s.

Initially I had some problems. CL is a different culture, a different world, a community rather, and in order to decrease frustration and understand that it is not what you see in the normal world, here are some basic explanations, pointers and tips when browsing CL.

These are tips for all personal forums, as I browse them all due to curiosity, do not judge me, because I know you do it too. Also, feel free to add to the list!

Acronyms (everyone’s favorite shortcut and means of deception for newcomers)

-NSA – no strings attached, basically means, lets just fuck
-HWP- height/weight proportion, really means I do not work out, I’m out of shape, but not morbidly obese, there is no tire around the belly, took me forever to figure that out. I never understood it either, it's just a clever way to say you are not a beach whale...yet
-DDF – drug disease free, this is a standard acronym with no real meaning, as probably more than 50% of the people that put it are lying
-FWB – friends with benefits, not really, see NSA
-JO – jerk off, I just learned that today, crazy shit huh
-BBW – big beautiful women, big black women, I think it’s interchangeable, I don’t know

Real meanings (please, not bashing anyone here, I’m just hip to the lingo now, and I applaud you people for your creativity)

-Fit/athletic – no muscles definition to speak of, this really means average, and not obese (there are muscles on here, but they are few and far between)
-Average – this really means fat, because over 60% of the country is overweight, so that makes overweight people the ‘norm’ therefore, they are average
-Thick but in the right places – again, this means overweight
-Thick but I hold it well – I really don’t get this. I suppose it means they wear clothes that fit them and nothing hangs over
-Curvy – again…you see the trend right
-Cute – this means I will not make you scream when you see my face
-Attractive - this is a step above cute

Favorite sayings/insults:

-Flame away
-Poppers – (I have no clue what this/these are, and I do not think I want to know)
-Smooth bottom - (bear with me...a common saying in the M4M, it means male takes it in the ass)
-Top - another saying in the m4m section, it means a man gives it in the ass

Other helpful tips:

-Please be careful if you browse M4M, it can be quite traumatizing. DO NOT click on the ads with pictures unless you have a strong gut and like that sort of thing. Also, a lot of the ads are written in code, I didn't understand a damn thing when I first clicked on it. Fascinating, but scary.
-You will run into the same CL’ers over and over, there are not as many people on here as you may think, be careful, take precautions, have more than one email address
-When posting in the personals, be sure to put what you DON’T want, but it doesn’t matter anyways, cause some ass is going to break the rules and ‘take a chance’
-If you prefer the a different race, be prepared for some hate mail, or whiney bastards that have too much time on their hands and aren’t getting any loving, so their joy in life comes from trashing you cause you like to think outside the box
-Most of the women in W4W are not real lesbians, they are bi, bi-curious, or freaky
-The men in M4M will scare you, I cannot stress this enough. 99% of the people there are looking for sex only, makes me feel sorry for the gay males that are seeking real relationships, they most likely won’t find them here
-Never declare anything to a 100% certainty, there will always be someone to dispute, argue your opinion, and then call you an idiot for having it
-“Best of” is funny as hell and is what CL should really be about
-There are a lot of old, married, unhappy people on CL, that probably makes up the majority of posters, it’s sad
-CL is not for the weak of heart or mind. Think of the posters as you would a bitchy irritating mother-in-law. They always have something negative to say, they always challenge your thoughts, and you are never good enough
-Be prepared to become more negative, racist, sexist, close minded, pessimistic, irritable, cranky, as you continue to read CL and post. In the beginning, you will be nice, genuine, and have a real desire to offer good sound solid advice. You will care about your fellow reader and want to help them with your lousy 2 cents. The more you read others posts and get replies to your own, the more bitter and hateful your posts will become. You will find yourself calling a person a fucking idiotic loser with a 3rd grade education that should commit suicide if they do not know the molecular structure of the chemicals in pesticide, because as you read CL, you will know everything, they will know nothing
-This is an anonymous board, just because someone says they are white, black, male, female, human, 24, 30, fit, athletic, God, a hot chic, a porn star, rich…does not mean that any of this is true, it probably isn’t. (Don’t let a posted picture throw you off either)
-Do not believe a word you read on here, for the most part, use your best judgment, while you still have it. The longer you read this, the less good judgment you will possess
-Use correct grammar and spelling, I recommend typing in word, or getting foxfire with spell check before you send. If you do not, you will get a new hole for it
-If you repeatedly see the same posts of an attractive guy or girl with a one sentence tag line, it probably isn’t real, do not respond, or you will get spammed
-You will long to have a missed connection written about yourself, the odds that someone that sees you in the street reads CL as well, is pretty small
-You will get addicted, it’s inevitable. You may think you can break the addiction, but it’s very very hard. You will want to know what these crazy fucks in DC are saying everyday. You will begin to post yourself, you will try to come up with creative, quirky, witty posts that amuse people (shut up, this isn’t one of them), you may even post in the personals ad to see what kind of feedback you get. In any case, you will get hooked. Just be glad you weren’t on CL the day it went out for a whole fucking night. I know my fellow CL’ers were shitting themselves obsessively checking the computer, cursing the tech’s and wandering around not knowing what to do with their nights. Some were even forced to spend time with the family they neglect due to the time they spend on this site. Lucky for me, I am single and without child, so I decided to masturbate
-You are more vile, cruel and inhumane than you think, it just takes a little CL time to bring it out
-Try not to get mad about the BS you read here, you will grow a thick skin after awhile, so don’t let the fools ruin your experience

I know I left out a lot, but this is already a long ass post, I completely violated the rule with this one (not something looked upon lightly by the CL community). Oh! Let me add it…

-Try to keep your posts as short as possible, with as much information as you can get in. Use spaces, that breaks up the length of your post

There! Feel free to add, my fellow crack addicts…and to the newcomers, happy reading, and welcome to the family!

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