I'd be interested in getting people's opinions on this funny (as in "jokes on me" funny) dating experience. What a b*tch! I've changed a couple of names to protect the innocent/guilty. So this is about a girl I met on CL but not in the typical manner. Any input would be nice.
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Background: I'd been thinking about buying a motorcycle---the upright kind, not a crotch rocket -- and so I was looking at used bikes on CL. Usually you send an e-mail to get more details and pictures of the bike. So I saw 6-7 that I was interested in and asked for pics/more info. One bike that I liked was a large engine European model >1000cc. It was a little more expensive and bigger than what I wanted, but it was a cool bike and everyone said get a bigger bike b/c you'll eventually want that anyway.
Story: Of all the replies I get, the reply for this bike is the only one from a woman--her e-mail was signed "sarah". Now realize that almost all motorcycles (not talking scooters here) are being sold by men. So falling back on my tried and true stereotypes, I assume that the woman selling this (fairly big) bike is a 300+ pound bull dike. No big deal--I'm not going to date her, I just want to check out the bike.
Some people e-mail pictures etc. Her e-mail said that she didn't have pictures yet, but that she would take some and e-mail them next week or I could come by to see the bike. I was opposed to the idea until she told me where she lived which turns out to be only 10 blocks from where I live.
So that Thursday I go over to check out the bike expecting to meet an angry 300lb dike. I pull up and am pleasantly surprised to find that the owner of the bike is this really cute girl--maybe 100lb on a good day. She's not super model hot, but cute enough, petit, fun and kind of hip. It turns out she's a 28 year 1st year law student who just moved to DC. She sees me pull up and asks me what year my land cruiser is. I tell her. She says, "oh 88? isn't that the first year they put a fuel injected engine in those trucks?" I am amazed that this chick knows this. Think Marisa Tomei in My cousin Vinne when she's on the stand. So I'm already digging this girl.
So we look at the bike and end up talking for about 30minutes. She actually does a lot of work on her own bike and is just super cool--I'm impressed that a girl this small can handle such a big motorcycle let alone work on it. We seem to be hitting it off. She just moved here from Kentucky, is well traveled, and smart. I'm a 30 yo lawyer so she's asking me all about law school etc. and we have fun talking. Also, I really like the motorcycle. So I tell her I'm interested in the bike but need to arrange a time for my friend (who used to work in a shop) to check it out--I tell her I'll call her on Friday about bringing him by on Saturday.
We exchange some e-mails on Friday about possible times to meet on Saturday. The e-mail exchange is good. She says she really liked hanging out with me and that she doesn't know many people in DC etc. So I'm pretty confident at this point. I call her on Friday to set up the bike viewing on Sat. We talk for a while so I say WTF and ask her out to see Galactic play that night at 930 Club. She says she doesn't know anyone in town, that she doesn't have any plans and that she'd love to. After work I go up to 930 and buy 2 tickets @ $25 each.
Both of us live close to 9:30 Club but I pick her up and we head to the show. I have the best first date I can remember. Conversation is awesome. Body language is there. Mild flirting but nothing overt. This girl is super cool and the more I talk to her, the more I like her. I am psyched. At one point my roommate called me while we were at the concert and asks me how my date was going. I turn to my date and say, "how's the date going" and she says, "I'd say its going pretty well." We are standing by the bar listening to the show and drink about 7 beers each--she's keeping up with me at about half my body weight. Once again, I'm impressed.
Show's over, I close out the tab and we hit another bar and then a late night breakfast place on 9th street. I am having a great time and think this girl is fantastic. I mean I'm really psyched about the whole night. We're both pretty hammered by this point but I'm definitely not eyes glazed over/black out drunk. We're waiting for our food and everything has gone so well I decide to lean in for a kiss--no groping or anything like that, just a kiss. Much to my surprise I get denied. Nothing bad, she just says something like, "not right now" or "this isn't the right time." I'm a little surprised and taken back b/c the night was going so well, but it wasn't an outright rejection and I mean I was trying to kiss her in public so her response doesn't completely shock me. Its about 3am now.
So I'm eating my eggs and she gets up. She doesn't say anything but I assume she's going to the bathroom. 10 minutes later and she's not back. I drunkenly continue to eat my eggs. 15 minutes and I start to get worried. Maybe she went outside to puke. I leave the table and check outside and don't see her. I start walking down the street a little worried. 9th street is not a great place to be walking alone at 3am. Don't see her anywhere. I'm sobering up. She lives about 10-15 blocks from there so I try her house. Female voice answers.
ME: Hello Sarah?!?
Angry Female voice: No this is her girlfriend!
ME: Her Girlfriend??? Where's Sarah?
AFV: She left. I'm going to pick her up!
I'm completely f*cking confused and can't help but think "What the F*ck!?" over and over.
ME: Why is she walking home and why are you picking her up.
AFV (now in full blown rage) BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO KISS HER you asshole! Why did you try to kiss my girlfriend. What the hell do you think you're doing?!?!?.....
ME: What are you talking about? I was on a DATE with her!
AFV: You weren't on a date.
ME: I picked her up, I bought our tickets to the concert, and I bought our beers. I mean that's a f*cking date right.
AFV: It wasn't a date, she just went out with you because she thought you were a nice guy!
I'm getting pissed because, as humorous as all this is, she's being unnecessarily rude
ME:Why don't you f*cking relax. I didn't know she had a girlfriend, and it's not like I slept with her.
She yells something inaudible and hangs up.
I am very confused and also a little worried because I still don't know where my date is. I call the angry female voice back.
AFV: What do you want?
Me: I want to make sure Sarah gets home.
AFV: I'm picking her up. Don't call here anymore!
Me: I just tried to kiss her, I didn't do anything wrong. Why are you being such a nut?
AFV: Just because you went on a date with her doesn't mean she wanted you to kiss her!
ME: Oh so it was a date....
click, she hangs up.
Call again 20 minutes later thinking I'll be able to talk to Sarah if she's home. AFV answers, says Sarah is home but doesn't want to talk to me.
I go home thinking, man that has got to be the most f*ed up first date in a while. Even then I could appreciate the humor in the whole thing. I was expecting to meet a 300lb lesbian and ended up with a 100lb lesbian...though I'm guessing the girlfriend might have been a 300lb lesbian.
Silver lining: I go back to the dinner the next day because I realize in all the confusion I walked out looking for Sarah and forgot to pay. The owner of the dinner looks at me in shock. He can't believe I actually came back to pay. He says the world needs more people like me and that nobody has ever come back to pay. He says both our meals are on the house.