An open letter to all the women of this city. District. Whatever:
Please stop regarding me as a mere sexual plaything. It is becoming tiresome. Until now, you have relied on me for countless hours of sexual fulfillment, but I've had quite enough of it. I'm tired of being ogled every time I walk down the street or through the Metro station. I'm tired of having you come up to me in bars as if you're God's gift, buying me drinks, asking for my number, pretending to be interested in my personality, then forgetting my name. I'm tired of being pressured to 'put out' for you just because you're horny or trying to impress your friends. I'm tired of waking up the next day to find you gone, then waiting by the phone in vain.
But above all, I am tired of hoping that you will be the one who finally takes me seriously for my intellect -- the one who realizes that I'm a guy with a lot on his mind -- only to find that I'm actually just another notch on your bedpost.
Sure, you're beautiful -- you make most professional models look like junkyard dogs. Sure, the sex is earth-shattering. But none of that excuses you for the way you've treated me. I've fallen for your song-and-dance and your pretty faces hundreds, possibly thousands, of times -- but no more. From now on -- and I know I speak for all men everywhere when I say this -- if you want to have a chance with me, forget about sex for a minute and show some respect.