MC with Actual Work / How To Waste Time Effectively
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I spend the majority of my day doing nothing. I sit in my office, surf the web, email with friends, and basically waste time. As such i'm giving to you, the casual CL reader, my top time wasting techniques, tips and tricks:
Stealth Strategies
1) Spend as much time as you can in your office and/or cubicle not in common areas. Many managers still subscribe to MBWA (management by walking around)...if you're always at your desk, then you must be productive.
2) Do not socialize with other co-workers. The less they know about you, the less likely they are to figure out that you spend your day doing nothing. If they don't know who you are they'll just think "oh yeah, he's that new guy. I think he's on a special project or something...must be really important."
3) Be as angry and rude as possible to co-workers. I believe this was a strategy once employed by George on Seinfeld....it's a solid strategy. People are less likely to ask you to do something if you're rude to them. Also, anger is a stress indicator which people will mistakenly associate with your workload.
4) Projects and Deadlines: Always agree with your boss that a project must be started and completed the way they envision. However, as you get into the project, you'll find certain problems with the vendors/products/delivery mechanisms/etc (get creative), that make you think that perhaps the project should not proceed. Killing a project can sometimes be as rewarding as finishing a project: "Well, thanks for breaking off that relationship with so and so, inc. You've saved the firm $150K".
Deadlines can be a deal killer, so you have to be really sly when handling them. While you don't want to miss a deadline, but you also don't want to do any work to make the deadline...something's got to give, right? Here's some ways to handle them:
Moving a Deadline - If you're going to move a deadline, make sure someone else takes the blame. vendors or partners are the best targets.
Missing a Deadline - Same as moving, as long as you're not taking the blame. Get them to admit that they were late on such and such (even if it doesn't impact the deadline), and use that as your evidence that someone else screwed up. 9 times out of 10, your superiors will buy it.
Time Wasting 101
1) Have you been to every news site on the web? You should probably try it...after all, you need to know where to get reliable information online.
2) Join a bulletin board or chat room...these can be excellent time wasters, and you can make some new friends and/or enemies. Another added benefit is that many people on BBS's or chat are also wasting time, so you can learn a few things too.
3) Online games....need i say more? For instance, I've developed an uhealthy addiction to Gem Drop.
4) If you've got snoopy IT staff who monitor your internet use, then your options are limited, but not non-existent. For instance...have you talked to your family recently? no? then email them...a lot. They'll love it and you'll find that it's a great way to burn a couple of hours.
Work Interference
1) When people come to you with work to do, you'll need to assure them that the work must get done, but that you have "too much on your plate", are "juggling a lot of balls", or are "wearing one too many hats" right now.
2) Always be agreeable without being nice.
3) Understand the importance of the job, but never commit to doing anything.
4) Speak up in meetings sometimes. When you're not speaking, write copious notes. It will give you an air of "studiousness".