My job sucks, OK? There aren't many bright points to my workdays, but one of the last vestiges of pleasure is my daily morning dump. It's a nice way to start an inevitably boring day, and you ruined it for me.
I was calmly minding my own business, enjoying this miracle of life when you entered the stall next to me. Now, I've long since lost my men's room inhibitions - I pass wind and carry on with reckless abandon. However, today you took it to a whole new level. There we were, side by side, pooping away. I was really feeling it for a second there. We were definitely having a moment but then all of a sudden your cell phone rang. Granted, it's not like we're at the movies or anything, but it was still somewhat grating. But then.....
You answered it.
You answered the phone while you were dropping a deuce in a public restroom. What's wrong with you? You then proceeded to talk about "deliverables" for an excruciatingly long period of time.
I even tried to shame you into hanging up. I farted LOUD. I mean, I really did some pushing, but it was to no avail. You may have ignored me, but I can only hope the person on the other end of the line heard my gastronomical plea for help.
Eventually I gave up all hope of enjoying my morning poo, and proceeded to flush the toilet five or six times. Still not a hint of a clue from the stall next door.
You are a revolting man, and I hope you gave yourself hemmerhoids this morning from sitting there so long.