Originally Posted: 2006-09-19 16:09

Sleeping with the enemy (Vancouver)

I woke up this morning to find my ex-boyfriend in my bed with me. I almost had a coronary but then The Optimist in Me (TOM) gave me a proverbial high five, “he’s hot, he’s smart – you DID date him afterall and you have fabulous taste in men. He’s not a stranger, so no need to be embarrassed about using the bathroom or trying to look sexy while you search, naked, on all fours, for your underwear, or worrying about the appropriate leaving protocol (he’s already got your number and knows your name)…all in all, an easy, no-strings-attached evening!” But then the Jaded Cynic in Me (JCM) bitch-slapped me and screamed in my face, “no strings attached? Are you fucking NEW? You were OVER him! This is AGAINST THE RULES! DUMBASS!” I was hurt by JCM’s analysis of the situation. In my defense, I had a bad, boring weekend. My friends were all busy in the ‘burbs doing married-people things like arguing over mortgages, children, and whose turn it was to clean up Scooby’s shit on the new carpet to hang out with me; I was feeling bad for myself because I want a husband of my own to argue with over money, kids and pet shit! So there I was, pining over white picket fences and shitty carpets while sitting in my cold, rented basement suite when he called. If I had been preoccupied with a life that didn’t resemble that of a 20 year old student (for the record, I’m almost 30, not a student anymore, have no life, no assets…I DO have a nice ass, though, which is better than being a fat-assed loser, TOM tells me. I feel marginally better now), I wouldn’t have answered, but I do NOT have a life (a nice ass though, TOM would like to remind us. Thanks, bro, back at ya)…so that’s how it transpired. Meeting X for coffee sounded like more fun than listening to Pat Benetar “Love is a Battlefield” on repeat (which, for the record, I wasn’t doing – I’m not THAT big of a loser…yet. But it accurately reflects my feelings of self-deprecation lately). It was supposed to be coffee but you know how it goes: java turns into dinner, dinner turns into drinks, drinks turn into more drinks….and the next thing you know your alarm is going off and the side of your face is stuck in someone else’s dried slobber (at least you hope it’s dried slobber). Anyway, I want to get my girlfriends’ opinions about this, HOWEVER, I know what the verdict will be: “You’re not going to meet Mr. Right if you’re wasting your time with Mr. Wrong!” or more likely, “DUMBASS! YOU WERE OVER HIM! This is NOT part of the BREAKUP RULES!” (that friend has clearly been conspiring with JCM)…which explains why I’m ranting anonymously to strangers. It’s true, my friends are right: it’s close to impossible to meet someone new and move on if you’re still hanging out with your ex. But I guess I don’t want to hear it. Someone please tell me that there’s light at the end of the breakup tunnel! I know there is, but it’s hard to remember. Plus, I’m so exhausted and I really don’t want to start dating again. Sleeping with my ex-boyfriend clearly doesn’t help my situation but after reading all these rants about how everyone hates Vancouver women (hello?!) I can’t say that I’m too excited to get back into the (cynical/misogynistic?) dating scene…

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