To whom it may concern:
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I apologize for running naked through the neighborhood at around 8:00 pm this evening. I was deathly afraid that I would lose something that is extremely important to the effect of me being a man.
As you see, I was partaking in an activity with my g/f when she became enraged at the fact that I knew about her affairs with another man. She informed me that she was going to get something that would make things a little more interesting. When she returned she had one of our kitchen knives in her hand.
At that point I was not about to take any chances and immediately took the initiative to seek safety in a friends house down the block. I was lacking common sense and did not spare a moment to become dressed. Thus the reason that I was not wearing any clothes.
At this point all is well and I do not want any ill will with any of my trusting neighbors. The situation has been rectified and order has been returned to my household, with the absence of my now ex g/f.
Thank you for your understanding,
The naked runner