Tell you a little story 'bout a man named Jed
Unlettered fool couldn't get it thru his head
That it's "who" for a person, and "that" for a thing
And half the time his participles were out there dangling
Poor Jed couldn't figure why he seldom got a date
Never reckoned it was because he could barely conjugate
He had an ad and a pic and fancied him a wooer
But his dates were less and less (or was that fewer and fewer?)
Then one day Gracie Grammar flagged him for review
Flamed, "Craigslist! Yank him! He doesn't have a clue!
His punctuation is pathetic, his grammar a disgrace
Making matters worse, he writes in UPPER CASE!
"His diction is atrocious, his metaphors fatally mixed
He wants someone 'inteligent,' who knows 'their' politics
And typos! Like vermin! Like a grizzly bear has fleas!
I gag at his tired clichés, and his half-assed similes
"Malapropisms, non sequiturs -- he's a witless begetter!
And he couldn't spell 'cat' if you spotted him a letter!
Solecisms, run-ons, indiscriminate use of 'which'
I'm nauseated, please ban him -- this illiterate son of a bitch!"
Jed read Gracie's post, and hung his head in shame
Suddenly he understood why he couldn't get a dame
From then on the dictionary was part of his modus vivendi
And next year he married a gal by the name of Norma Loquendi
SF SWM, 40, seeks intelligent woman, not necessarily named Norma.