a) You get volume discounts from the “Man with Truck” Indeed, you know which man with truck will actually call you back.
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b) Your entire house is a mismatch of CL leftovers including the purple velvet couch, the orange retro cube chairs, the Herman Miller Aeron Chair Size B you got (what a steal!) and the metro shelving, not to mention all the football lamps and jumble of desks and ice hockey equipment and bust of marilyn manson and rob zombie smoking together sitting unused in your garage. You don’t respond to people who don’t put up pictures until too many of them do, then you post a rant about how people who can afford to sell $1800 ottomans cannot afford a $60 digital camera.
c) You have an arch enemy that posts in the Community Section that you’re pretty sure is male, but sometimes the flirty way he/she/it responds to posts make you wonder. Either way he/she/it is definitely a pinko commie hippie tree-hugging liberal because he/she/it is a vegan.
d) You read the Casual Encounters religiously looking for patterns and wonder if even 1% of the people writing the ads are as hot as they say they are, and you’re jealous cuz’ your SO is not into that scene.
e) You know why CL is better than e-bay.
f) You write long rambling incoherent responses to people who ask what 420 is.
g) You are too cool to use the forum discussion boards. Who gives themselves creepy names like ~mad hatter~ and ~jujubee~?
h) You have been to a CL party although you’d never admit it to your online buddies.
i) You know there is a CL foundation or that they accept contributions. You don’t assume that they make their money off of job junkies and apartment hunkies.
j) You found your: roommate, apartment, doctor for herpes symplex 10, chinese acupuncturist, ’91 bitchin' camaro Z28 mechanic, bought your half huskey/half lab dog, carpool, part-time graphic design contract work through CL.
k) You have placed a CL personal and no one responded. When you responded to other peoples’ postings and they STILL didn’t reply, you knew right then that it had to be gay men posing as women to lure you to GG park to blind side bitch ball you.
l) You call Craig Craig. And you know he exists. You’ve even met him. But you tease those 'newbies' who ask by telling them he’s a myth made up by a group of computer nerds who started the real CL.
m) You know whether the gender vague “person with truck” is male or female.
n) You flag without reason every post that does not belong in that board within five minutes of it being posted. How dare they!
o) You flag all the people who’re asking more than face value for tickets. Can’t they read? Geez, if someone didn’t patrol these boards it’d be chaos.
p) You have gone at least 3 blind dates with people from CL. 2 women and one transvesite who tried it for the first time (hell he even fooled you for the first 15 minutes but you’re so sharp you caught on quickly).
q) You have a CL email so that you can respond TO people anonymously until you determine if they’re worth revealing yourself.
r) As soon as you read the words, “Why can’t we all just…....” you immediately hit return to read the next post.
s) You belong to the East Bay Golf Club, the Friday Night Network, the BFFMA, Club Opulent, Women of Color Book Club, Cooking Light Group, LuvMonkey’s Hiking Group, EuroCircle, Dr. Laura Discussion Group, Parisalon, Tall People’s Club, Bay Area Dinner Club… and yet, you never go to any of the events.
t) Browing through the want ads, if you’re male you zone in on asian girls cuz’ everyone wants a sex kitten. If female, you automatically skip over anyone of asian or indian ethnicity.
u) Last year you made $4320 from buying and re-selling things from ex-dot-bombers.
v) You have told the google guy to fuck off.
w) You have told CL staff to fuck off (albeit politely) and then complain about them on their own board.
x) Burning Man gear has been packed for a year, ready to roll. Even though you're 43.
y) You’ve told people that shouting in ALL CAPS is just wrong.
z) You’ve sent resumes to 532 job postings that you’re not even remotely qualified for, and then complain that no one will even grace you with a “thank you but no thank-you” courtesy letter.