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I could care less what you look like, what you do for fun, whether you are a top or bottom, or whether you eat meat or smoke. Do you go to the gym? That's nice, I could give a fuck.

What I want to know is-- can you simplify a complex rational equation? Do you have a mastery of advanced algebra and college-level Calculus? Can you find the limits, derivatives, points of inflection, points of concavity, etc. of a difficult function? Can you not only *do* Math, but teach it too?

I need to pass Calculus in order to get my very important scholarship to graduate school. I haven't solved for X in about ten years.

Can you help? I don't want sex, or friendship, or "more"... but I will pay you $10/hr for tutoring and buy you beers at the Lex.

I have a midterm next week, help!