Originally Posted: 2004-09-04 1:41pm

favorite this post General Use Multitool- BBQ Spatula

Hello! To most people, this is only a BBQ Spatula. But to me, because I'm hella smart, I found a lot of other uses for it.

A mirror, a weapon, part of my cook costume for when I go out in public, back scratcher, large spoon and a small surface to carry stuff around. Those are just off the top of my head.

Mirrors are very important. I carry one around all the time. I found it at Long's. I was looking for a small mirror forever until I found this gem. See a lot of places had the mirror with makeup, however I'm a dude, so I don't need makeup. Just a mirror. I like girls w/o makeup too. There's this redhead at the gym who wears a ton of makeup while working out in her pajamas and she looks like a scary clown. And Carrot Top. See a mirror is useful because sometimes I get lost and I use it to signal rescue aircraft. And if you're on a date with a hot little lady friend named KT, you can make sure you don't have a bunch of food stuck in your gapped teeth. Due to my fine orthodontestry work, I don't have gaps in my teeth. Sometimes I dream about my teeth falling out, and that scares me.

If you're relaxing in your backyard, BBQ'n some tasty ribs, some guy might come to steal the food and your money. Use the spatula to beat his face. It's made out of some type of metal, and has sharp edges, so it's almost like a katana sword. And it's kinda like a gun in that you can kill a potential robber turned corpse. That was morbid, I'm sorry.

I like to wear costumes when I go out in public so people assume I'm something I'm not. Quite often I wear a mouse costume, but I have yet to meet someone who actually thinks I'm a mouse. They usually mistake me for Chuck E. Cheese, but that's my next door neighbor. We pizza together, all the time. That's right that's no typo. I made "pizza" a verb, meaning to make and eat pizza. I'm so clever. But when I carry this around when I'm in my cook costume, all these girls come flocking because they think I'll cook them food. And I do. I make wonderful pasta. See most people skimp and use some generic brand of sauce, however I buy the good stuff- the one with the meat in a jar. I make the best pasta ever. I'm so awesome. But sometimes my guests eat too much and they become obese. And since I have small doorways, that is a problem.

As you can see, it still has the tag on it; it's never been used. Vanilla Ice used to wear hats with the tag still on it, but that's not my style.


post id: 41482440