1. You're afraid to go to the Beauty Bar because you have gotten together with too many of the patrons.
2. Youre consistently waking up hung over and cant figure out why your new Buffalo Exchange cords are feeling a little snug.
3. You've slept with 18 men/women in the last four months and you're still single…(5 of whom you met at the free clinic.)
4. You have a crush on a bartender with a septum piercing and/or a ‘really cool’ tribal tattoo.
5. You have dated someone who was either in an indie band or was an aspiring DJ.
6. You don’t even know what Chambers Punch is cause all you drink is beer.
7. Youre happily surprised to find out that red is the "new black," cause black is the only color you really ever wear.
8. The only consideration when buying your cell phone was, “Does the phone come free?”
9. Your haircut is 1) spiky 2) shaggy 3) ironic mullet 4) experimental
10. Your Saturday night was almost ruined because some marina dude/chick totally spilled beer down your back at Bottom of the Hill – and you cant stop talking about it.
11. You have contraband pharmaceuticals from Mexico somewhere in your home. Nothing like popping a vicadin before hitting Valencia Street.
12. You remember how cool San Francisco was BEFORE the dot com boom...and you make sure everyone knows that you were here first.
13. You have a crush on a ‘barely legal’ shop worker on Haight Street.
14. You eat burritos 4 nights a week despite your monthly occurrences of food poisoning.
15. You feel that $6 is a bit "pricey" for a wet tofu buritto.
16. You remind yourself _not_ to wear your GAP blue jeans to your next Anti-Gap Sweatshop Stop Globalism protest.
17. You have no idea your latino neighbors actually work in a sweatshop and that they are too busy paying the bills to attend the same protest.
18. You couldn’t find housing, an activity partner, your missed connection, a new coffee table, or a new job on your own without craigslist.
19. You bought your shirt at Urban Outfitters but tell everyone it was a lucky find at Thrift Town.
20. You have 3 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of which are Doc Martens - you’ve had them since high school.
21. You’ve dated a vegetarian, or experimented with vegetarianism yourself.
22. You or one of your roommates hangs a tye-dye tapestry on the ceiling of the bedroom/living room.
23. You have attended the Folsom Street Fair, the Castro Street Fair, and the Haight Street Fair, but have never bought a craft. (There were crafts there?)
24. You used to own your parents old Volvo but it was getting broken into too much, so now you take BART or the Mission bus to get around.
25. You lament the loss of your car because now you have to bum rides off friends to get to Trader Joe’s – for $3 red wine, tofu, and those awesome Indian lentils, of course.
26. You know more than just one lesbian.
27. Youre originally from the East Coast, the East Bay or some small town in the Mid West.
28. You know all the dive bars you can still smoke in.
29. You used to go see Third Eye Blind before they hit it big, although you would never tell anyone of that fact.
30. Your saving up to buy a set of turntables.
31. You insist that its not just a tattoo but “body art.”.
32. Your guy friends are constantly experimenting with their hair color, and facial hair. When you girl friends start doing it too, youre far from shocked.
33. You refuse to shop at Safeway, but frequent the local markets where you purchase produce that originates in countries where there are zero regulations.
34. You secretly think that living in a loft “wouldn’t be that bad.”
35. On more than one ocassion you’ve either stepped over a passed out drunk to get into your apartment, been chased by a crack dealer, and/or witnessed a gang fight on the Mission 14 bus.
And to make this a legal posting, my MC: Your name was Jennifer and I met you last Saturday at the Beauty Bar. For a marina chick, I was surprised you smoked. Me, shaggy hair, tight pants, thrift store leather jacket – gave you a clove. Coffee in Cow Hollow?