Originally Posted: 2000-08-14 16:08 (no longer live)
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Ladies - Babies - Les Femmes Sans Bras!

Bonjour Babies,

So what's the deal - I write you lyrical poetry defining my needs in the woman
I want to grace with my potent seed - and no responses - I even took out all
the cuss words an sh*t. Babies - we ain't got no time for no woo-ing - we live
in a binary digital age - I'm a Child of the cold war, babies... we could all
go up in any second - Mushroom clouding - surfin on those radioactive waves up
to St. Peter's Pearly Barbed Wire fence - and wouldn't purgatory be so much
more fun with the warm thoughts of me inside you still keeping you warm?
I trully don't get you Babies at all. See you all out there - looking so fine
with your boobies bouncing in the sunshine... Yeah - I saw you at the bus stop
baby - puffing on yo cigarette - shrinks say smokers are sexually frustrated -
well babies - I'M HERE! Ok - so the lak of responses to my first entreaty to
you beautiful babies - has caused me to enter a period of self-reflection - do
battle with my demons - coz I know how much you babies love to see a man bleed.

I got my flaw like any man - sometimes can't get to the third inning in the
World Series of love babies - specially if I been hittin the O-E - But Babies,
Honeys, I'm not the sprite young 12 year old boy my Baby-sitters used to play
All night with... I've aged - matured - and as long as I have a sandwich in
between innings (or some meth)... i can last a good two hours without sleeping!
I'm hopings that by opening up my sweet sensitive side - you babies who waste
your crack money on those black and white posters with the kiddies kissing, the
big hairy dude holding the naked baby, or those of you who actually
think "Friends" is the height of Wit - will see what kinda gem I is.

Yeah babies...I can hear your heavy breathing now - but before you all clamour
to your mice, clicking away like I'm some piece of gourmet cheese - let me
tells you what I want from my woman.

Firstly - I ain't no shallow dude... you don't have to be pretty in a "Everbody
wear Khakis" kinda way - hell...we all know it looks the same with the lights
off right? Sh*t - that's why God invented Paper bags?
Secondly - I want a woman who cleans herself regularly - I'm talking ALWAYS
wipes front to back - you dig? Once dated this French girl - and I guess
hygiene is taught funky over there...well...let's just say her aroma reminded
me of those hot musty nights I used to spend huddled in the New York City
Subway shaking my cup, pretending to be blind to buy ma Boones, with the
splitter splatter of urine echoing down the corridors. Baby if you clean - you
can treat my face like the Bicycle Seat o yo dreams.
Thirdly - i don't want no mommas... you can't be naggin me about unimportant
shit - you know "Get a job," "Pay child Supoort," "Stop hitting me." I don;t
want to hear none o that sh*t.
Finally - you ain't gotta mind when I brings home some Ho's to get my groove
on. A man has needz - and though I'll be livin under your roof, eating your
food - I still may have needs that only that sexy young drunk thing I meet in
the bar can satisfy. I know it may be painful for you to watch me go captain
Caveman over other women - but baby - if I keep the machinery in good working
order - It can only please you more when we do our own thing.

Anyway - know that I'm talking from that special place deep inside - which is
hard with expectation now that you - that booty-full girl staring at the
monitor now - will see fit to write me, and get on My Bicycle of love - I
brush my teeth an everything.

Bye Babies
- T-MAN!










post id: 326617