The worst thing has happened to me. I moved to Hawaii to pursue adulthood. Dumbass! You don't become a grownup in Hawaii!
Here's why people (and when I say people, I mean everyone except me) move to Hawaii:
1. Military (big, huge reason to move to Hawaii. The dream assignment of all military posts. Or whatever they call it--I'm not even remotely military, although now I'm woken up every morning by the sound of weird Marine reveille: da da DA da da DA da da DA da da DA da da DA da da DA da da DAAAAAAA!!! outside my window because I live right next to the Marine Corps Base)
Here's what's wrong with military: God, I hate to say this because I sound like an arrogant asshole but. . .I'm smart. And military guys aren't that smart. At least not marines. And they have so, so many marines here. Which is fun, because you get to say, "I'm going to the beach to watch the MARINE life heh heh heh" but watching is pretty much all you want to do. The pun is awesome though. Maybe it's even worth the eponymous frustration for that pun.
The other thing wrong with them is that when I observe their behavior in public places I don't notice a marked tendancy for maturity, and as I mentioned earlier and will elaborate on later (oh, crap, how boring is this post going to BE?), I moved here and became an adult almost simultaneously.
2. Guys having mid-life crises. (Much smaller reason to move to Hawaii, but still an extremely alarming sub-set of undesirable male.)
I don't think I really have to explain this. I moved here and grew UP, and the mid-life crisis set are busy growing DOWN. Plus, ew.
3. Paaaaaaarty! (Surfer dudes. Big reason to move to Hawaii. They come in all ages and most seem to be used car salesmen by day.)
Also not the most mature crew. Kind of a blend of military and mid-life crisis male, here. I see these a lot because I surf. They talk to me pretty often and I've got my fingers crossed, but the ones I've met so far I always kinda know would bail the minute I opened up my mouth about much of anything beyond how great the next set looks.
4. They are locals and never left.
Yikes. Hope nobody is from Hawaii on this board because I'm going to get my ass handed to me, but (and for some reason this comes as a huge shock to people who've never lived here) this is an extremely, shall we say, provincial place. Not a ton of education going around. The big draw for most of these people is where you went to HIGH SCHOOL.
Know why I moved to Hawaii? I just graduated from college with a teaching certificate and went to a job fair for teachers and there were these two guys in Aloha shirts interviewing there and I interviewed as a joke while I was waiting for my real interviews. They offered me a job, though, and then a lot of really bad shit went down with an ex-boyfriend and I thought, hey, Hawaii, that sounds awesome. How bad could it be?
It would have been GREAT if I had come here in COLLEGE, so I could have had tons of gratuitous sex with hot Marines and surfer dudes and local boys and been bought many nice presents by mid life crisis men.
But no. I had to come here as a freakin' middle school English teacher. I had to turn 46 at the age of 24. I'm telling you, nothing brings kiss of death maturity like being a middle school teacher. If I said "young lady" once today, I said it 80 times. The last time I went out dancing on a Friday night I fell asleep at a table at 11:30. And you'd think that looking after children all day would make me loathe and despise them, but for some reason lately all I can think about is how much I'd like to have some of my own. For chrissake. I can't believe I even just wrote that.
I went on a date last week with a guy who told me he "wasn't looking for anything serious" before the appetizers even came. And you know what? I actually thought, what an asshole, and stuck around for the free meal. And then I never called him back. And HE actually called me, and I screened it. This is completely unprecedented. A year ago I would have been blowing him in the bathroom before dessert.
So there you have it. A newly converted prude English teacher living in the middle of the Pacific Ocean who just wants to get laid, except she also wants commitment and friendship and respect from someone decent and worthwhile. I'm so fucked. I'm sorry to even bother you with this nothing of a personal ad, oh ye who actually made it to the end.
P.S. It's really, really fun living here, when you factor out the no sex part. Seriously. Oh, and if you can get beyond the fact that I live in the most geographically remote place on Earth and you actually want to know if it's worthwhile to write me, I'm blond, blue eyes, 5'5", 130 lbs, distance running and crossword puzzles are my two main hobbies, I'm on a paddling team, and Led Zeppelin is my favorite band ever.