Three outgoing women (28,29 and 31) in need of chaperone to accompany them on various outings. These women are extremely fun and have a sunny outlook on life, but recently have learned that their uncommon amusement in just about everything has left them feeling... well... immature.
By day, these ladies are quite successful... a Lawyer, Global IT Manager, and Journalist.
By night, their antics would deem them unrecognizable by their colleagues.
If you have the discipline of a prison warden... if your kids think you are the 'mean' parent, if you're a former member of the US Marine Corps, or just a bad-ass in general, we want you!
Requirements:
>Keep a 'kitty' with enough money for an evening at the bars/clubs. You must keep track of the amount of drinks we've had (not to exceed 10 each) and how many shots we've had (not to exceed 5 each). We would appreciate your help in making sure we maximize the amount of fun we have each evening, by encouraging us to drink as much as possible. You are also in charge of taxi cab payments and settling our check after we've had late-night binge-dining at Mel's diner. We will need a final tally of how much we've spent for the evening. We go out Wednesday thru Saturday, not necessarily all together, so you may have to shuttle between restaurants/bars/parties to make sure we are under control. On those nights we will provide a car service for you to make sure we all get home safe and sound.
>Introduce us to men... whether we think are 'husband material' or 'just right for tonight'. Keep in mind that we will want to take them home with us. Two of us are kissing bandits, who will kiss guys in bars, taxicabs, restaurants, etc. One of us is prude, shy and gets tongue twisted around men unless she is talking in character voices or telling tall tales. She will need most of these 'introductions'. It is your job to make sure that we go home ALONE and fall asleep in our OWN beds without anyone else with us. You are here to prevent us from embarassment by going too far too fast. You have to keep us from having an overnight guest at least until the third date... duh.
>Accompany us on dates. Yes, on dates. We have exercised poor judgment in the recent past and need you to keep us from becoming 1) totally wasted 2) taken advantage of 3) completely bitchy to our date who doesn't know menu items... i.e. squab, petits-fours, foie gras, sweetbreads, etc.
>Take us shopping. Our credit cards get lots of 'exercise.' The problem is that we buy most of our clothing for humor sake (i.e. on a recent trip to Buffalo Exchange, we came close to buying bad 80's ruffled blouses to wear out on a Saturday night. We almost had a hernia from laughing so hard in the dressing room and scared out other patrons because we had become so obnoxious... mind you, this is without alcohol). We have been known to shop while wasted as well (internet shopping). You must keep us from being so careless. One of us has a penchant for fine jewelry. It is your job to keep her away from Shreve & Co, Tiffany, Cartier, etc. She has enough jewely and doesn't need any more. Perhaps you have vast computer knowledge and can security lock retail websites from bachelorette #3's computer.
>Clean up after we've thrown up and passed out. One of us is notorious for heading into her bathroom, dry-heaving, and falling asleep on the floor... another one of us recently passed out in the bathtub with a piece of pizza as her pillow.
>Keep our decible level at a normal level. One of us is self-proclaimed 'easily stimulated' and therefore gets extremely excited and LOUD without realizing it. You will have to remind her to use a term we learned in kindegarten... "Inside Voice".
>Help us keep our conversations as unoffensive as possible. We don't realize that what may be funny to us might not be so funny to others. i.e. sex jokes, penis chatter, details after a hook-up, boob talk, etc.
>Monitor our clothing choices. Sometimes we dress in clothes too tight, other times we're too grungy (one of us needs some help in dressing more 'girlie' for dates), and sometimes our choices are just plain wrong (wearing bay to breakers outfit to Sunday Brunch... tight, boob-enhanching shirts on television... short miniskirts to court). You will have to remind us that we are professionals. Not high schoolers.
>Vacation with us. Let's just say that most folks go to Whistler for the great skiing. We go for a week of uninterrupted drinking. Las Vegas is next...
>Generally care for us. We are so happy-go-lucky, we guarantee you'll fall in love with us. We may sound obnoxious and out of control, but all we need is someone to help us remember our manners and remind us that we are ladies.
**We want you to hang out with us Wednesday thru Sunday. One year commitment. Great perks. Entertainment value alone will provide countless laughter.
How to join in on the fun:
Tell us how you would handle this typical Saturday situation: #1 is completely drunk at Bar, talking LOUDly to guys about Red Sox baseball while interrupting their pool game. She has no clue she is bothering them. #2 is on date, but date is talking to girl acquaintance. #2 makes friends with another guy and starts kissing him during her date with boy #1. Boy #1 leaves and she takes boy #2 home... #3 is at party, all dolled up and cute as can be, telling tall tales to group A about being born a Vanderbilt and sailing on the family yacht to the BVI's... she is also entertaining group B in character voices and has convinced them she is on staff at Pixar and was in the movie Finding Nemo. When she realizes she's told too many tales, she heads home to shop her sorrows away. What do you do???