I'm currently working on technology that will intercept
spam, bounce it to the originating server, and electrocute
the spammer using his keyboard and mouse. Until my work is
finished, I have a couple simple requests.
Before I go any further, let me make one comment. A penis
cannot be enlarged by three inches. (Especially *my*
penis - it would become a murder weapon.) Can't we make a
more believable claim? Let's say a half inch, or an inch
max. Thanks - a little reality goes a long way here.
Clearly, spam cannot be eliminated. (Which is why I'm
working on an invention to kill all of you.) But there's
clearly an unnecessary amount of redundancy in the e-mail.
I really feel that lot of the clutter could be eliminated
with some simple consolidation. Look at industry. As
start-ups become successful in their niche, they are bought
by larger companies. These larger companies incorporate
the technology and services into their product line.
Everybody wins. The users can now get everything they need
from one source, and sales and support are given by the
same company.
I think that's an excellent model for the spam industry as
well. Instead of the scores of spam that clutter my inbox
each morning, I envision a single spam which reads
something like this:
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Refinance with us! We've been in the mortgage business
for six months and guarantee you the lowest rates (unless
someone else's are lower). Call our toll-free number and
speak with one of our friendly, professional loan officers
today.
When you refinance with us, you'll receive the following
benefits:
* A year's supply of Viagra
* Penis growth kit/pill/device - grow your member an inch!
* Norton SystemWorks - includes AntiVirus!
But wait. That's not all. You also get a free pass to
porn sites! View all the hot XXX action you can stand.
Now how much would you pay?
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Now isn't that a better idea? You spammers don't have to
send a different e-mail for every product, and we victims
don't need to wade through all those useless e-mails. Once
again, everybody wins.
I'd put this into action right away. Because I'm *this*
close to perfecting my Spammer Electrocution technology.
You may not have another chance.