Originally Posted: 2001-12-14 3:43pm
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Italicized comments are mine. Non-italicized and bold comments are the original poster's.

All of you on here that publicly respond to the most mundane of discussions and topics with such vigor, passion and failed attempts at wittiness are the exact same as those you defy. Does that mean you and I can be friends?! Lesbian Lovers?! Soul Sisters?! Your sad displays of feminimism and lesbianism is what holds us back, not what empowers us. Your pathetic lives make you all just another gay woman and nothing else, simply to be classified as that, forever.

I am a feminine, hairy, sad, passionate failure forever! Hold me Back!

You say things like "Oh Goddess."
Thank the Mother, I do not.

You still say "grrl." Even though it's almost 2002.
Yeah, but the Queer Dept. of Verbal Standards Cease and Desist Order Notification, which arrived just this morning warned me I still have 17 days until the words “grrl,” “lesbianism,” and “gay male friends” become unacceptable and must be removed from my vocabulary, grrl.

You think Ani DiFranco is hot.
Tongue twisters like “feminimism” are hot. (Sweat) -Maybe you two would like to come cool off with a few of us at a Winter Solstice I hear the Goddess has coming up?

Hey.. why is feminimism showing misspelled? I copied it off that Spellchecker Fanatic!!


You think it is liberating to not shave under your arms.
Time liberating, perhaps. Liberating in the fashion of a fine, Russian, Gypsy Transvestite is more like it. Shit, I'm sure I've just offended my Transvestite Great-grandmother. Well.. half-Transvestite, really.

You like to read "Dykes to Watch Out For" and other lesbian mis-adventures.
I'm ashamed to say I don't. I do, however, Watch Out For Dykes. You never know when one's gonna sneak up behind you with some Lesbian Goddess voodoo spoof and bam.. there goes your entire Melissa Ethridge collection.

You have read "The Passion" by Jeannette Winterson.
I don't "read" Passion and it isn't a noun. I want to meet this Jeannette woman, though.. I have a few tricks she might enjoy.

Your favorite movie is The Hunger, When Night is Falling, or Bound.
My favorite thing is being bound when night is falling, left hungering for your next move. You obviously have a few tricks I might enjoy.

You became an activist when you saw Boys Don't Cry.
Oh, yeah- that movie inspired me to become very active. Active in bed, on the floor, in the fields, on the beach, under the human-shit splattered 13th street overpass...

Hillary Swank became your new hero once Anne Heche wasn't a devout lesbian.
Damn, you got me there- but they were both heroes and they were both devout- nuns in a Mass (giggle) orgy

Gina Gershon has always been your hero. Except when it was Amelia Earhart.
Oh man.. I didn't script them. I'll be right back. I need a...uh.. bathroom break.

You own one CD by Melissa Ethridge, KD Lang, or Janis Ian.
..So, Amelia Earhart came crashing in and then.. Ew! KD Lang?! And who the hell is Janis Ian?


And I owned the entire Melissa Ethridge CD collection, until poof, some dyke witch snuck over my shoulder and zapped it with her tongue ring. Those tongue piercings are the devil! All they’re good for is voodoo magic and insanely hot fucking!

Not that I know, of course.

You think light blue jeans are acceptable.
Have you been to J Crew lately?

Uh.. not that I have. Shit, don't start a "Dorky Yuppie Lesbian" list, or anything! And don't tell my daddy. Drats. Daddy! I had to! The light blue jeans were calling me! Dabnabbit! .. now you're going to start a "Dorky S&M Lesbians" list. Okay! I'm guilty, dammit. I'm a dorky, yuppie, SM Lesbian! Who masturbates in the bathroom to fantasies of Amelia Earhart crashing Gina Gershon, Hilary Swank and Anne Heche’s Sister Mass (giggle) Orgy!

You think pegged pants w/ healed boots are acceptable and perfect for wearing
to Club Q.

If I were to wear pegged pants and healed boots- I could get away with wearing them just about anywhere.

You go to Club Q.
Well, I'd certainly wear light blue pegged jeans w/ healed boots. Boots tattoo with anchors. Tribal anchors.

You voted for Tom Ammiano because he's gay.
I voted for Tom Ammiano because he's a lesbian. And he gives good head.

You've supported other celebrity/political figures for that same reason.
..Yeah (smirk)

You think the Venus of Willendorf is more beautiful than the modern-day Barbie.
I'm not sure who the Venus of Willendork is, but Barbie sure is beautiful. Especially those dildo Barbies in the windows on Castro. Unless you're talking about human Barbies, in which case, I hate dildo human Barbies, cause they talk all valley-girl like on that New York City dildo human Barbie TV show. I really could not imagine getting fucked by a dildo human Barbie valley-girl, ew.

You think belly-button piercings are sexy.
Oh, help me. I'm pulsating in my seat.

Though, grinding against the fresh ones is not so sexy.

You think tongue-rings actually enhance oral sex.
Tongue-rings? Do you hoop it on and yank? I'll stick with the piercing.

Uh.. I think I need to take another bathroom break.

You have a very basic 'tribal' arm band tattoo. Then you tell people it's celtic because your great-grandmother was half-irish.
It's not celtic. It's.. heinz. And my great-grandmother was half-everything.

You put on a baseball hat and suddenly you're a soft butch.
You put on your military hat and suddenly I’m squirming.

You say things like LOL and ROFLMAO.
Lie On the Llama and Roll Over to Fuck Like Master Always Orders

You say things like "We are all sisters."
You go, Sister!

You feel special when hanging out with your gay male friends.
I am Special when hanging out with my ~ahem~ (limp wrist, dropped voice, fag dialect) Gay Male Friends.

You own anything rainbow and display it proudly.
We all own The Rainbow, Sister, in our own special place with the Goddess.

You feel "Community" is inclusive yet discourage acceptance of bi-sexuals.
Hmm.. is somebody bisexual?! (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, shove, shove, smack.)

You don't understand that "Community" is actually exclusive.
Oh, I understand this very well.. after the ~ahem~ Gay Men's Chorus kicked me out for supposedly missing auditions. I know damn well it's only because I'm Special.

Or maybe it’s because I can’t gyrate in rhythm, hit a high C and don’t have a penis. What the hell does a penis have to do with being a ~ahem~ Gay Male, grrl, huh?!

You actually are surprised that men would ever invade a woman's online space.
They do?! Don't they read the "Check Your Penis Before Entering" sign?! Damn Men and their double standards!

You are, basically, just you.
Aw, shucks!! (blush) And you are just basic you!!

Other ways to contact poster:
Zap me, Sister!

post id: 2399047