Originally Posted: 2001-12-13 2:17pm
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favorite this post Why won't anyone date me?

I mean, I'm not too needy. Just because he got a restraining order against me doesn't mean the medicine is helping now. Okay, so he didn't call me back. Boiling his chinchilla was only my way of telling him that it is unacceptable to pretend he doesn't know me when it is SO OBVIOUS THAT I AM THE ONE WHO IS SENDING ALL THOSE INSTANT MESSAGES TO HIM. I am 33, look 18, act like grown-up. I expect someone to give me lots of cheese at all times. Do you like cheese? Sometimes I take the 38 Geary even though I don't live on that line. I hear that is called the "Husband Express" because of all the husbands on it. I guess that is what I am looking for. A husband. Here is a husband haiku:

where is my husband
i last saw him on polk street
in some stranger's car

That's another thing. I have no time for whores. Are you a whore? Then don't call me. Are you planning on being a whore? Call me, but when you become a whore don't call me anymore. Are you from Nebraska? Don't call me because you will creep me out because Nebraska has such a strange shape. I have shape issues, and I cannot deal with anything remotely Nebraska-shaped. Also, Nebraska is just chock-full-of-whores. I think my feelings are best-expressed in the following haiku:

i hate nebraska
fucking creepy nebraska
die motherfuckers

..................................... okay the medicine is kicking in. Now where was I? Oh yeah, husbands. Does anyone want to go on a date with me? Please? I'll give you a dollar. I am 5 feet 1 inches tall (look 6' 3"). Licky licky licky licky licky. I love you long time until News Radio comes on at 11:30 because I love Andy Dick.

No freaks.


Other ways to contact poster:
Throwing your toys on the sidewalk and screaming

post id: 2389671