All the Lews down in Lose-ville liked craigslist a lot,
But the Bitch who lived over on Chestnut did not,
“I know they’ll be watching tv”, she was sneering,
“So who will there be to buy me these earrings?”,
She went out to a bar, but alas, she was big,
Not even Jack Daniels could get her a gig,
So she squeezed in her Jetta and drove towards the mall,
Desperately thinking of any guy she could call,
And that’s when it hit her like pigs in a herd,
“What I need now is a poor craigslist nerd,”
So she whipped out her iBook that rich daddy sent,
And confusedly wondered where the any-key went,
But eventually logged on and typed up a storm,
Though she couldn’t tell your from you’re from yourm,
“You must be a model”, she required away,
“And if you won’t buy me things, then you’re better off gay”,
The responses poured in, one line at a time,
“I’m fresh out of jail but all done with crime”,
The Bitch was perplexed with the lack of selection,
“Maybe”, she thought, “they know about my infection”,
She finally settled on a guy named “be real”,
He couldn’t buy her anything, but at least he could steal,
So they met for a drink at a cold dank little pit,
And before it was over, he was grabbing her tit,
She drank and she drank and off her stool she fell,
Then they sauntered away to an hourly hotel,
He had no money, but passed off bad checks,
So they finally settled in for some dysfunctional sex.