10) To the mid 20's woman in the financial district who winked at me last week with her 40ish balding, pot belly, terribly dressed man: nice ring, call me when the divorce papers are served.
9) To the woman I met at SFO last August, spoke on the phone a few times, arranged to see Les Mis are the Curran Theater last year: thanks for never returning my calls/emails - I went to the show ALONE and had a fab time.
8) To the woman I went on a blind date to a SF Giants game last year through craigslist: your opinion of "athletic" differs slightly from mine.
7) To the woman I met at Club Royale last fall: dozens of e-mails, phone calls, arranged to have dinner ... I never found out why you decided to stand me up at a restaraunt that nice and never call back?
6) To the woman I met on the flight to San Diego two months ago: Yes you're gorgeous, but you're also dumb as a shoe. Maybe it's better that you didn't call back ... but remind me why you offered me your phone number again?
5) To the woman I dated from Alameda this spring: I might have given you a 2nd chance, had you not been staring at me wide awake every time you spent the night. And when I tell you to watch your teeth during oral sex, I mean don't suck me 90 mph and leave me so red and swollen I walk funny the next day.
4) To the woman I met at Tosca's in March: I thought our conversation went well for the first 15 mins., thanks for literally turning your back and returning to your table of friends after I inform you that a) I don't have a car in SF b) the TenderNob is my neighborhood
3) To the woman on the California 1 bus last month: I told you I thought you had incredible eyes, you told me "I know".
2) To the woman at the Mission Bay Golf Range: You're in your late 20's & beautiful, I offered to give you some advice watching your swing. You said your boyfriend was on his way to give you lessons. I saw your boyfriend after he arrived. I think you need lessons on finding someone younger than your father.
1) To the woman who shared her water with me at Cat Club last Thursday: Beautiful & taken. If you’re so serious about your boyfriend, why couldn’t you keep your eyes off me on the dance floor?
Yes these are all true. It’s a good thing I have a GREAT sense of humor. :)