To all who cherish feline grace
Yet balk at ransacked living space
Ambivalent, and so confused,
read on, sweet souls...and be amused.
So oft has been romanticized
the feline animal so prized,
and honored for its lofty grace,
its regal air, its cutesy face
that scarce the fancier considers
--that is, until he owns said critters--
its sweetest traits are somewhat tainted
by less-than-honest pictures painted.
Long story short, my point should be: Real cats ain't all they're cracked to be.
(HAVE WE GOT A DEAL FOR YOU!)
Her fur is hard and crusty-tough
(she's made of chalky plaster stuff)
So she won't shed... she doesn't yowl
She doesn't bite, she doesn't growl.
Her claws will never touch your couch
or make your houseguests holler OUCH!
She'll never piddle on the stairs
nor leave your clothes festooned with hairs,
she'll not demand the room's attention
before she licks her nether-region.
Exuding quiet dignity,
the model of demurity:
Silent, calm, and understanding;
never hungry or demanding.
She'll decorate your peaceful place
with such serene and catlike grace.
The most acclaimed of feline traits
she has; yet lacks the scurvy hates.
Her disposition is ideal,
who cares if kitty isn't real?