This one could go any of these directions, given the circumstances; although, my highest hopes are for “just a regular old storage sale. But if you’re the adventurous type, and always looking for a little action no matter what you’re doing, then I’d say that my sale has far more potential of providing it than the average run of the mill rummage romp.
You see I have this storage unit, sort of, located at my X-boyfriends apartment complex. It’s not directly in his building, but across the street, which is close enough for discomfort. We don’t like each other very much right now, because he’s a jerk, and thus if he were to know about this sale he would be hoppin mad. Why? Because he’s a jerk!
None-the-less, I have no choice really, but to have the sale, and have it at the storage unit. I don’t have a garage or a yard right now as I’m in the process of moving for the third time in 2 months. Why? Because he’s a jerk! I thought about going to the flea market with all my stuff, but I don’t have access to the truck any more. Why? C’mon, all together now: BECAUSE HE’S A JERK! And to haul all of the stuff I have would take 50 trips in the car, which it has taken just to get it all in there. So the thought of hauling it all back out and taking it someplace else, even one more time, is too painful a thought to think.
Then again, running in to him, or having him find out that I’m across the street and using the storage unit as a point of sale, is a pretty painful thought as well. That’s why you have to be very discreet and nonchalant when you arrive. You just park on the street, mosey over to the laundry room, and out the back door to the storage. When you get there, tap on the door and say in a low voice “I’m here for the sale” and then just come on in and start shopping. If you’re cool, and I remain out of sight, no one will be the wiser now will they?
See, this won’t be so bad. And you’ll definitely get a chance to buy some things at some very low prices. I’m desperate to lessen my load, and make any money I can, even a little, in the process. I certainly won’t be getting any drive-by customers, being locked up in a storage trying to sell stuff, so the buying competition will be limited, leaving you even more opportunity to save. You Craigslister's are all I’ve got; please don’t let me down. Everyone else can post signs pointing to their sale, they can stand out in the open and be seen, and they can proudly display their goods without fear of all hell breaking loose. But me, I have to have a sneaky, silent, behind closed doors sale. Why! Because he’s a jerk!
O.K., here are some of the items I have for sale:
Books
Bookshelves
Couch Pillows
Bed Pillows
Chair Cushions
Cookware
Microwaves
Hexagon Plexi Glass Fish Tank, 40+ Gallons, w/Matching Hexagon Stand (Black)
Ab Rollers (2)
Vacuum (Dirt Devil Upright, the big heavy duty Black one, not the little red one)
Fax Machine
Computers (Mac & PC’s)
Monitors
Printers
Keyboards
TV’s
Car Radio’s
A Turntable
Facial Spa
Movies, lots and lots of VHS tapes, and a few naughty DVD’s (those will be hidden, you’ll have to ask)
Women’s clothing, mostly size 8-10, and lots of it
Roll of upholstery material
Photographers – I have a huge box of professional photography paper in all sizes and types
Baskets
Purses & Belts
Shoes, women's and men's (not the jerks shoes either, I’m not selling his stuff behind his back)
Casette tapes
Lawn Lounger's
Papsan Chair
Beach Umbrella
Rain Umbrella’s
Toaster Oven
Computer Desk – I dismantled it so you can fit it in a car, and it’s a fairly nice little desk too, like new
Winter Scarves
Coats
Lamps, lots of lamps in all shapes and sizes and colors
Office Desk Chairs
And probably a whole lot of things I just can’t think of, or couldn’t see as I was writing all of this down last night.
So, if there’s anything you’re interested in, and would like to help a poor single mom whose completely exhausted from packing all of this stuff, and completely broke from buying it all in the first place, then please write to me for super secret directions to my super secret sale. There is one good thing about the jerk, and that’s the fact that he doesn’t even know how to turn a computer on, let alone would he have the patience to read something this long. Therefore, the risk of writing this ad, and having him read it, was slim to none. However, I don’t want someone he knows stumbling across the address, and calling him, so to be safe just write me if you’re interested in coming over there, and we’ll make arrangements. For now, I’ll tell you that it’s located in the outskirts of San Francisco, near Daly City.
If you made it this far in reading, I’ll expect to see you later today, as I expect you’re going to be the type that has to see in person, the dork who wrote this. Just make sure you bring your wallet, cause even $5.00 might get you something wonderful at the “Secret Sale.” Oh, and it’s not so secret that you can’t tell your friends and neighbors to tag along. As long as your friends and neighbors don’t include any jerks that is!