I live in San Francisco, so I've given up on finding love. We don't do that here. Instead, I seek a damn fine man, with whom I can be mischievous, bad, defiant, and an all-around hell-raiser. I'll start ya off slowly...
DATE 1: I'd like our first date to be at 1:15 a.m., somewhere downtown, preferably near my 'hood, so we can paint yellow truck parking zones, gray, and create a whole bunch of new parking spaces; since San Francisco's Nazi parking patrol should be towing my car any day, for unpaid tickets, I'd like to make its job a little harder...
'wanna kiss me?
DATE 2: We'll meet at one of this fine city's "children's" parks, armed with my 35 mm camera, (I'm so old-fashioned, no digital?), so we can spend a few hours photographing drug deals, while also focussing on my favorite: city signage. I'm particularly fond of park administration posts, "No adults permitted without children!"
Aroused?
DATE 3: I'd like to spend our "third date" (you know, the one were you get lucky), following Willie Brown, our fastidious, philandering Mayor, who's "on the take" from any number of worthy organizations, until we see him caress his blonde mistress, oops, I meant, assistant. Though no one will give a damn, not even Mrs. Brown, isn't this endeavor better than drinks at the "W"?
'just a little woody? 'maybe a small Willie?
DATE 4: I want for us to attach signs (I must have an issue with signs, eh?) to the bottoms of those pro-homeless, Jesus posters littering our telephone poles, you know, those signs that the freakin' liberal-granola-crunching-hairy-legged women stapled all over the downtown area? To the end of, "Jesus Begged on the Street of Galilee" I want to attach, "But did he pee on the streets of Galilee, too?" Just the thought of Jesus peeing on the streets should cure this particular signage problem.
Hey, if you're not gettin' off, I am...
Jesus begged on the streets of Galilee.
But did Jesus pee on the streets of Galilee?
Did Jesus defecate on the streets of Galilee?
Did Jesus fornicate on the streets of Galilee?
Wow, that's a triple "O" for me...I'm good for a while...
DATE 5: This involves taking BART, so I'll owe ya. I want to heckle and cause trouble at a Berkeley City Council meeting and witness the fucking freaks, who run that show, the 25 elderly hippies, who waste tax payers' money introducing proposals about organic coffee beans and birds, or the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, instead of proposals that actually have something to do with BERKELEY (and all the people who pee on its streets, too!) Hey, all my friends that live over there are Capitalists, and proud of it, so whoever these few people are, they’re almost extinct, yet, somehow in control…
What, you like my images of people peeing all over the streets of the bay area? cooooooooooo...........baby...........cooooooooooo
Hold on; it's 6:56 a.m., and I've got to move my car, so ticket-pad Sue and her souped-up golf cart can't get to it... Whew! Four days later and I finally found a place...it's only good for two hours, so I better type fast...
YOU ARE:
If any of this sounds fun, and if you're between 32 and 42, tall and almost-tall, educated and literate, intelligent and wise, and good-looking and damn fine, then send me a picture, and any ideas you have for causing trouble, and I'll agree to meet.