SBF Seeking New Sleeping Partner

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Hello! I'm a Sturdy Black Futon [SBF] in search of a new mate. I've been living in a San Francisco apartment for the better part of a year, and before that, I took residence in a loft across town. I have many attributes which make me a highly-qualified candidate for your needs:

Sleep with me!

Four legs, the latest in balancing technology
Wood frame, never touched by termites
Slept on ~1,241 times
Jumped on twice by monkeys, who fell off and cracked their heads
Two matching throw pillows included
Large enough to accommodate three or four anorexics

I hate Los Angeles, but my current owners are ready to move there soon. This is why I've decided to take out a personal ad today. Please, rescue me and keep me somewhere local? I don't make much noise and promise to stay put. Since I do not come with wheels, I will need you to come pick me up ASAP.

My self-esteem is at an all-time low, so I'm willing to sell myself for $100. I feel so used, but that shouldn't stop you from bringing me into your loving home. I'll even pay for my own psychiatric care if that'll help seal the deal!

Anz.-ID: 14866607