Me and my gym key are really, REally sorry!!! - m4w
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You – pretty brunette in the parking lot, appeared to be in a hurry. Me – guy in workout clothes driving the Audi with my hand frantically moving in my pants.
Look, I know it must have looked bad. I saw that scared/shocked-turned-to-disgusted look in your eye, but I swear in the name of all things good and holy it’s not what you think!!! You see, I keep my gym key sort of “secured” on my hip by the elastic on my shorts (I have no pockets). As I was fumbling to get my seat belt on, the key fell into my shorts and eventually came to rest under an extremely sensitive area of the male anatomy. This momentary discomfort would have been momentarily bearable if not for the fact that:
A) The keychain had a cheap plastic bottle opener attached to it (thank you very much Mr. Sam Castration Adams)
B) I had to step on the brake so that you could pass in front of my car, thereby rapidly moving said sensitive area directly over this lethal combination of semi-sharp metal objects (a connection I can assure you I wouldn’t have missed in the least!)
So what I’m trying to say is… I was not trying to run you over, I was not playing with myself, and my face was red from excruciating pain, not embarrassment (though it quickly turned to embarrassment when I saw that look of yours – a venomously vicious look I might add - your parents must be real proud).