Nothing sucks more than having a small pea pod. I'm reminded of the incomplete development of my dillywacker every morning when I take a shower and it really puts a damper on my day. I'm slighted daily by spam ads that claim they can increase the size of my schlong by 1 to 3 inches. Ahhhhhh, one to three inches would be super duper neato, but alas, not even I am stupid enough to believe that eating a pill is gonna make my dick grow. I can't wear sweatpants because they contour to the pelvic region and reveal the shape and size of one's package to everyone (not that I'd want to wear sweats particularly, but just knowing that I CAN'T makes me sore and angry). I can't go swimming because wet swim trunks cling to one's nads and pea shooter. And I certainly can't shower in the gym because I don't much enjoy displaying my dong in its natural glory to anyone, let alone a bunch of wierd work-out dudes who compensate for their psychological malfunctions by fixating on the size of their forearms.
So, rather than continue to complain, I'm going to take a pro-active approach. I want to discuss the various stages and sizes of the male genitalia in order to at least clear up a few misconceptions. This way, at least the 3 or 4 people who read this post will know that my dillywacker is only small in some respects, but not all:
1) The size of a limp schlong and a boner are not always related, meaning: a guy can have a small limp dick, but it can grow to a normal erect size. My weenie looks like an orderve frank when it's at rest, but when pretty girls kiss my neck, my dillywacker grows to about 6 inches (actually 5 3/4, but if I jam the ruler into my stomach I can gain an extra 1/4 inch). Some dudes with long limp dicks don't grow very much when they get hard-ons, but they have the advantage of looking big when they're just cruising around the house naked. The bastards.
2) Subtract 1/4 to 1/2 inch from any guy's calculation of how big his dick is. Obviously, not all dicks just happen to be nice, even numbers in length, so quite a bit of rounding off occurs, and who's gonna round to the lower number? Calling mine 6 inches is a case in point.
3) Semi-boners do not reflect the natural size of a flacid schlong. You've heard about what happens when guys get cold, right? Well, most guys' dicks can get pretty darn small given the right conditions--mine just happens to be in the "cold" state more often. I've had women see my wand when it was semi-barone, and have received wonderful comments such as "Oh my God, it's huge" and "Wow that's big," but I have to inform them that it's just half excited--it will get smaller in the near future. Don't be disappointed. Granted, on a warm day, the twig AND the berries will be at maximum extention and look pretty darn good, but this is San Francisco so the other 348 days of the year make both the father and the stepchildren shrivel like prunes.
4) The erect penis looks smaller than it actually is. Given variations in girth, the penis is most likely 1/2 to 1 inch longer than it appears. Mine LOOKS like it's 5 inches, but it measures 6 (see #2 for measuring calculations). This optical illusion really only affects guys who are toward the smaller end of the scale because, at that size, every millimeter counts. If your dong is 8 inches long in the first place, who cares if it's mistaken for 7 1/2. Some guys who have "can-of-corn" syndrome (short fat pud) must look much shorter than they are, and guys with toothpicks must look longer. Just don't be so quick to estimate a dong's length next time.
5) A combo since both of these are stupid, but I have to address them: 5a) shoe size/hand size is not related to dick size. Come on, everyone, I moved on from elementary school 15 years ago. Who's comin' along with me? 5b) the penis does not continue to grow in size after puberty. I have a friend who's 25 and claims that his penis is still growing. I think he's just trying to give himself hope that one day he won't have a small penis. Live with it brother.
6) The average size of a male's erect organ is somewhere around 5 inches. The national average keeps going down because, apparently, the survey-takers are slowly realizing that guys lie about the size of their dicks. Who would have thunk? I've heard of guys with 11 inchers, and guys with 2 inchers. Guys, if your dinger is around five and it works pretty well, be very grateful. And girls, if you like a guy and you find out that his penis is five inches, don't be upset; he's just an average guy. You'll probably come accross bigger ones and smaller ones here and there, depending on your libido.
So, now that I've cleared up a few things, I think I'll go admire my tiny limp dillywacker in the mirror before I take a shower. Actually, despite the fact that this has been more of a rant than a rave, I've known many women that prefer a smaller penis. It would be nice if they held up signs declaring their preference when they went out to bars; I could walk up with confidence and say "How are you tonight? I have a small penis." But I'm content just knowing that they're out there.