#1 if you go out to a place that serves booze and there are more then 10 people there someone will step on your feet at least once. Deal with it. Ladies that means wear open toed shoes at your own risk. Let me get this straight, you are 3-4 inches shorter then me in a crowded room full of people all tryin to move in different directions and you expect not to get stepped on at all? Riiiiiigggghhhhhtttt.
#2 If a lady or a group of ladies go out to a bar and the bouncer is not flirting with you on the way in the bar is shady. Without fail this rule holds true. Who wants to get a drink in a place where the bouncers haven't figured out the "they ain't sober and I am" rule.
#3 The quality of service in the bar/club is invesly proportional to the number of idiot men wearing their standard "khakhi pants and dress shirt unbuttoned 2 buttons down". Also known as the "dockers convention theorum"
#4 If the music in the bar/club is house or techno, the floor will be dirty and made of concrete.
If the music in the bar/club is Rap there will be no people of color inside the bar and there will be 3-5 off beat dancers and a girl screaming and climbing all over the place like she was still in college.
If the music in the bar/club is jazz there will be alot of drunk, pretentious morons trying to look cool by smoking a cigar. Badly.
If the music is Rock there will be at least one moron who thinks it is cool to yell "play freebird"
If the music is anything else there will be a number of weirdo's equal to the number of women in the bar who are drunk.
#5 the "data accuracy quotient"
The number of women your friends tell you are "at the bar/club right now" is never accurate. Divide by 2 and add the number of friends you have out tonight that you know of.
If the club is in soma subtract 5.
if the club is the bubble lounge divide by 1000, and round up.
If the club is in North Beach, add a number equal to double the number of strip bars within 50 feet. (strippers gotta drink too)
If the club is in the Marina, divide by the number of pairs of black pants you own then add 3 if you cannot hear your friends shouting over the din of some Crap Brittney Spears music
If the club is harry dentons starlight room the women are too old.
If the club is in the mission add 3, then subtract the amount of time it took your friends to find parking divided by the number of blocks they walked. (add a bonus 2 women if your friends were acosted by a homeless man or witnessed a felony of any type being committed)
#6 Women in SF are not always attractive, deal with it. If you want to look at models everywhere move to LA or NYC.
#7 Women in SF are not ugly either. The ugly women are far less numerous then those that are not.
#8 if you see a woman drinking coffee late at night, he/she is not drinking it to get the coffee buzz, they are drinking it in the hopes of sobering up.
#9 the number of police you see is directly porportional to the quality of the area. In the Marina expect to see no less then 20 cars a night, in the Mission good luck finding a cop when you need one.
#10 The best place to meet to deicde where to go for the night is the centrally located In N Out Burger in Fisherman's Wharf. (if you did not know one was there silly you. Mmmmm Burgers and then drinking) PS do NOT drink anywhere within 2 miles of Fisherman's Wharf.
#11 The word "hella" or "hecka" is both a verb, adverb and pronoun in Northern California. Deal with it. At least we dont all say "dude" or "kid" like LA or NYC.
#12 every person you meet from outside the Bay Area is snotty and altogether not attractive enough to have that kind of attitude. They are here because in LA they were not attractive and moved to "improve their stock"
#13
Women who wear all black makeup and all black clothes here MAY NOT be goth.
#14 It is socially acceptable to hit on other women here while in the presence of your significant other.
#15
Do not go to Hunter's Point no matter what anyone tells you. DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#16 "the peninsuela" is a polite way of saying "fog dwellers"
#17 LA, and southern california transplants take heed. The sun does not always shine here and the fog does not "burn off by noon". Deal with it. Its still better then a nice grimey ring around all your sky scrapers and black lung.
#18 The Giants do not hate the A's and vice versa.
#19 If you like the Lakers you are in danger of being punched.
and last but NOT least
#20
When the SFPD demand a bite of your Fajita @ 1AM, YOU GIVE THEM THE FAJITA OR YOU REAP THE WHILRWIND!!!!!!!!