Okay, so saunas are naked places. I’m fine with that. And some guys like looking at other guys. Fine with that too. I realize that gay men have it a little rough in our society, and I’m willing to cut some slack for the odd locker-room check out or sidelong glance in the shower. Lord knows I’d have difficulties keeping my thoughts holy and towel un-tented if I had to shower or sit in a sauna full of mostly-nude women.
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But you, fat sauna gawker, you’re different. You push the envelope. A real renegade, you are.
So here are some tips, in case you make a habit of this sort of thing.
I might not have even known, Fat Sauna Gawker, had you just used a little tact. Pretended to read a newspaper, perhaps, or done some 'neck stretches', etc. Surely it’s not that hard to sneak a peak here and there without getting caught. But you were always a rule breaker, weren’t you Fat Sauna Gawker? Yep, your strategy was to just, flat, out, STARE.
And hell, sauna gawker, you probably could have even gotten away with the unabashed staring had it not been accompanied by your HEAVY-ASS MOUTH BREATHING. But you wanted to get caught, didn’t you fat sauna gawker? You stared and you mouth-breathed to your double bypassed little heart’s content. And it worked. And I looked.
But even when I noticed, Fat Sauna Gawker, even then I could have let it go. But that wasn’t the end of it. There was no apologetic or even uncomfortable look in your eye. Animalistic lust and debauchery, that’s all I saw.
And after that, Fat Sauna Gawker, with all of your unholy intentions known, with your creepy gaze and pursed lips, and with your pudgy little hand making its way under your towel… Even after all of it I would have shrugged it off.
I turned to stare at the wall, sauna gawker, since I’m not one for awkward silences or confrontation. I figured it might give you a hint.
But the shadow-puppets, Fat Sauna Gawker, those were unforgivable.
Vile creature, how did you even do that? Just thinking about it makes me shudder.
And I left, Fat Sauna Gawker. I left, and I felt dirty. And the sauna is no longer that warm, happy and relaxing place in my mind. And you’re to thank for it.
So cheers to you Fat Sauna Gawker. You creepy fuck.