Originally Posted: 2005-03-29 11:58am
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favorite this post I know ye all to well – Grunting Man in Gym hide this posting unhide

Every morning you walk in I practically cringe at the sight of you Wearing the t-shirt you’ve worn since your sophomore year in high school You’ve clearly out-grown this tattered faded blue upper garment Riddled with holes and permanent sweat stains You cling to it, like its fabric clings to your pregnant belly Your shorts, oh dear Lord your shorts Too damn short for your own good My eyes, my eyes, shield them These brown daisy duke disasters, they leave nothing to the imagination And yet you were them every fucking day! Constant reminders to me that, yes you are a man My you have grown I can see your nuts and the outline of your penis If I had the nerve I would gouge out my own eyes You begin… Strutting in the direction of the free weights 40 pounds over weight, your gut leads the way and your ass jiggles with glee I can’t help but watch Like one of those horrible car accidents on the side of the freeway I am mesmerize Sure I have seen it before, but damn you and your gripping jiggling, it pulls me in You begin… A bench press – the horror ensues. You press a meager 50 pounds But you grunt, groan, scream and hurl profanities “Shit, fuck, oh damn, arrghh, yeah fuck, whew!” This continues for the duration of an ENTIRE SET! Each exercise is the same A series of reps accompanied by a slur of obscenities and then it happens The horrid moment everyone at the gym dreads We can’t look away We know the moment is coming And you never let us down – God bless your chubby ass You bend over for the stretch The infamous ‘end of routine’ stretch The back of your shorts drenched in ass sweat Your nuts proudly hanging from your shorts (that are way too fuckin’ short) And you rip one – you rip a loud one A loud obnoxious, angry, from the bowels of hell… F A R T! And then you take your leave As I and other patrons are left, once again stunned, bewildered Shaking our heads in utter disbelief We are left mere shells of our former selves We silently curse you – fat bastard – fat bastard who comes in every Monday, Wednesday and Friday We will meet again. this is in or around Northpark

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